It’s a dream come true, your very own paradise island, and in the wonderful climate of the Canary Islands. There are only 7 main Canary Islands but quite a few small islets just off their coasts. So welcome to your new home, Montaña Clara, just off the north coast of Lanzarote, yours for just 9 million euros.

This island is actually a stratovolcano, the traditional sort, built up layer by layer and with a deep shaft in the centre, don’t worry it’s not likely to erupt anytime soon. As for size, it’s just 2.7 cubic kilometres and part of the Chiniji Nature Park. The neighbours can be a bit noisy and messy, it’s a marine bird reserve, but just wave a packet of Paxo at them and they will soon take the hint.

The island was bought 50 years ago by Lopez Socas, the then mayor of Haria in Lanzarote, but now the family wants to sell it, maybe they could try EBay? I have looked down the back of the settee, but i’m still a little shy of the asking price, but i’m sure my nice friendly Spanish bank will help me out. I can see it all now, once the work is done, with a brewery, a football pitch, speedway track and ice hockey rink, and if Sue Barker wants to pop over for a while – heaven.