The burgers, chops, chicken and sausage had that extra ingredient at this years Armada Sur barbecue – it was success. Promotion after a great season for CD Tenerife had to be celebrated in style and Cho Pancho high above San Miguel was the perfect setting for the annual fun and games.

It was a scorching hot day but the shade of the pine trees and a welcome breeze ensured things didn’t get too uncomfortable – unless you were a Pio of course. In time honoured tradition a large stuffed Tweety (symbol of our nearest and dearest from the other island) was abused, trussed up, and hung over the barbecue flames until it died horribly with its stuffing spurting out.

Two large wheely bins were packed with ice and cans of beer which we worked steadily through during the afternoon, there was plenty of wine for the ladies too and soft drinks for the younger generation. The cricket match didn’t quite get into full swing this year but the football was full bloodied and bruising, several players will have the marks to remember it by.

For anyone not familiar with the picnic areas in Tenerife, they are large, well looked after, and with brick built barbecue stacks to cook on, at Cho Pancho there is a toilet and washing block nearby and pick up points for the rubbish which we dutifully collected together before leaving. Our coach dropped us off and picked up at the end of the service road, some hitched rides down in cars but most of us walked, it’s a pleasure in such beautiful surroundings.

Full marks to The General and his troops for getting there early, setting everything up, and firing up the charcoal. The ladies did us proud with potato salad, pasta, and Kirsty’s wicked mojo sauce that could strip paint of a tank. I’m sure the people at the surrounding barbecues enjoyed our boistrous singing, it certainly made the lizards scuttle under cover. Roll on next year.

Despite being well loaded with beer I managed to drag myself back out at night and down to Los Cristianos for the Noche de San Juan, the traditional bonfires on the beaches way of marking mid summer. It was packed down there, the bars and restaurants can only dream of it being that busy in the daytime. I had a little wander over the sand to see some of the fires and see who was jumping the flames, another tradition, I wisely didn’t attempt any acrobatics and settled for a couple of pints at Goodfellas on the promenade as I watched the scantily clad young ladies wander by. I left at 1am but I’m sure the fun went on until daybreak, it always does, it was a nice hazy end to a very enjoyable day.

Hoping for a head clearing walk after a heavy weekend there I was surrounded by a sea of dancers in the centre of Los Cristianos, all being far too energetic for my delicate constitution to cope with. Whoops did I just loose the end of April? It seemed to slip away pretty quickly thanks to a mix of my birthday and the company of good friends – or is it just my age. The latest landmark in my ageing process was a fairly quiet and restrained affair but it picked up pace rapidly after that.

Friday was a fun night at El Cordero in Guargacho with a select group of CD Tenerife friends, Neal, Karen and Matt were over from Bournemouth and Burnley Pete was here from surprisingly enough Burnley. The General and Bob and Jess completed the group as we noshed our way through a mountain of food – and a few beers. On the way back we popped into Suters Bar for a few Doradas and were entertained by two old local codgers squaring up to each other in a drunken slow motion preamble to a fight that was never going to happen.

Saturday was sunshine and swimming followed by a Titsa bus up to Tejina in Guia de Isora to eat out at Bar Achamey. The large platter of spicy meat mixed well with the Dorada, no one sat next to us on the return bus later. Tejina is a lovely little village and I was very taken by a garden homage to Tejina a former Princess of the Guanches, the original native inhabitants of Tenerife. Saturday night finished with a few more beers for me at The Merry Monk, I did catch the last few games on The Football League Show but they seemed to be spinning a bit – bedtime I think.

Sundays CD Tenerife trip was its usual Dorada fuelled fun fest of football and friends with a 2-0 win keeping the promotion pot boiling. Besides the game (see previous blog post) the images of Super Mario threatening to streak onto the pitch and a Roger Mellie look alike Elvis impersonator on the coach helped to jolly things along. Back in Los Cristianos after a few farewell beers with the Bournemouth trio before they left with a very early morning flight to face, I grabbed some food down at The Breeze Inn, Las Vistas beach and took a few photos of the visiting cruise ship Albatros.

It was a scorching day and the ship looked wonderful moored up just off the bay with little shuttle boats bringing some of the 600 passengers in to spend their money. Sadly there wasn’t enough time for me to shoot home and pick up my banjo or mouth organ so I could busk a few tunes for the wealthy visitors. The ship had started at Bremerhaven in Germany and called at Portsmouth, Vigo, and Agadir before La Gomera the previous day, the next stops would include Funchal, and Amsterdam before going back to Germany. I couldn’t help wondering how many bars it had on the 10 decks. After working my way home I probably should have called it a day but returned to The Merry Monk later to join a Man City (Paul & Justine) and Millwall (Henry and Cat Woman) combination of Armada Sur to squeeze out a quiz winning effort – another late night ensued.

That brings me to hangover Monday, I just about managed the basics during the day before walking into the dance zone in town. It was the International Day Of Dance and several stages, more than last year, had been set up to showcase different dance styles led by local youth groups. Some more mature ,ladies were being whipped into a salsa frenzy at Plaza del Pescadora, I swear at one point even the statue of the fisher woman was bopping. Some of the wilder dance floor moves were taking place further up the road to the church but the biggest crowd was outside the perfume shop where a large crowd was clapping and leaping around. It was all a bit much for me, after grabbing a few pics I was home and ready for an early night zzzzzzzzzzz. Well I think that’s everything covered – unless you can tell me where I picked up that inflatable zebra and a tattoo of Sue Barker on a very intimate part of my anatomy?

The black plastic seats had been absorbing the 35 degrees plus of calima fuelled sunshine all day, a few people winced as they sat down, not the best night for a traditional Tenerife late start. A few people melted away and others moved to the shady side as they waited for the Arona Esta de Moda fashion parades to start. Would it be worth the wait? Thankfully yes, this years new position next to the Casa del Mar on the old Los Cristianos beach side of the tunnel allowed for a bigger grander stage with a small pit for a live band and the catwalk jutting out into the sea of seats for the audience.

The large video wall backdrop gave the sponsors more publicity and that was the name of the game, all the clothes on display were available at shops in the main Arona towns, a glossy brochure gave full shopping details. There were also a few stalls down each side promoting related items like hair and make up, in these times of empty council wallets underwriting these mass audience events with commercial backing makes good sense all round.

Anyway with a fanfare and a parade of young energetic dancers proving that Grease is the word, our compere was ready to introduce the first set of models. They were all local amateurs so full marks to them for coping with nerves and the stifling heat. The first models were very young but quite confident as they strutted out onto what must have seemed an endless catwalk. The clothes were chosen to be ordinary and accessible, none of these wild Paris or London creations that no real people would ever wear.

It was a good mix of ages, male and female showing off their threads, each section dealt with a different type of fashion, leisure, formal, swim wear, sport etc and the general set up was dancers out first to act as backing at the rear of the stage as the models went forth one by one and then joined a growing group pose on a podium before taking a collective bow.

Lots of proud parents were cooing with satisfaction in the audience and a few school friends were lurking at the side stocking up on embarrassment ammunition for the next week at school, the lads strutting their stuff are going to take some terrible stick from their mates but it’s gotta be a good way to impress the girls. As the evening went on more people flocked around the temporary arena, hopefully they will check out the local shops in the next few days and buy some clothes to boost local trade. It was a bit of a gamble moving to a bigger display area but it paid off and allowed much more freedom of movement, bring on the next show.

Just give me an excuse for a wander and I’m off with my bono bus ticket clutched in my sweaty little palm. With a good sized tick list the west coast was calling, first stop was Playa de la Arena and a writer friend of mine Tony Thorne MBE, he always puts me to shame because at 87 years old he is turning out stories and now novels at a prolific rate. A lot of his speculative and macabre sci fi stories are set in Tenerife and hopefully some of the movie interest around his Tenerife Tall Tales and novel Points Of View will develop into full blown cinema epics, in thee meantime check his work out at his website.

I don’t just chuck these excursions together, I try to line up several research stops while I am out enjoying the wonders of Tenerife. Brewing an article about Playa de la Arena meant I could have a good old poke around at one of my swimming haunts from when I lived in Puerto Santiago. The day was hot and sunny but the sea was a bit wild as I ventured along the shore, when I first arrived here my Sunday routine often involved a short bar crawl along to the black beach, a few hours sunning and swimming, and then a longer bar crawl back.

The Hotel Playa La Arena (above) has great views over the sea front from the balcony that wraps around the conference rooms so I went inside to refresh my memory and grab some snaps. It’s quite lavish inside with a large spread of pools and a cascading waterfall near the main road. I have noticed lately that the modern trend is to call the area Playa La Arena, dropping the “de” from many notices and signs, the hotel reflected this subtle change. A friend used to run the gym and if any interesting visitors were working out there she would invite me down to do a nice story for The Western Sun newspaper.

Another former hotel was calling me at the end of my west coast rainbow, Royal Sun Resort as it’s now known had invited me back for a meal after my recent review to mark their re-opening. Heading for Los Gigantes via the Fishermens Museum ( above) in Puerto Santiago I stopped off for a coffee and changed into something a little smarter – well the clothes if not the person. It was quiet in thee village as the previous night had been the sardine funeral and last night of their Carnaval. My friend Jo met me at the church plaza and our luxury limo (ok it was just a taxi) whisked us up to the lofty perch where the Royal Sun shines down on the village.

We got a little lost on the way up to the Café Royale but it gave me a chance to tickle the water of the swimming pool on the top tier, it was lovely and warm. Just below we took a table on the outside terrace with views of the sparkling carpet of lights from Los Gigantes. The Regency Restaurant one floor down was closed but there was still just nine of us at the Café Royale, four inside and a family of three near us.

The food was lovely, my Dorada fish of the day and Jo’s Carbonari, I even managed a dessert of hot chocolate cake with nuts and ice cream. It was pretty informal but I was glad I had scrubbed up a little, strangely some lady wandered through in a white toweling dressing gown – or was it a ghost? Anyway it was a great way to round off a busy day and I felt content and relaxed as my Titsa bus ferried me back down south.

Blimey I only have to take my eye off the ball for a few minutes and subtle changes take place all around me. With a couple of clouds (yep we do get them in Tenerife) hovering I took an afternoon stroll around Los Cristianos to check out my turf, no I don’t mark it like a cat does.

People have been asking me what the new building work is all about between the main roundabout and the swimming pool and sports centre. Suggesttions have included a new mega supermarket possibly including a unit for Marks and Spencers. Pressing my face against the chain mail fencing I could only see giant concrete blocks but the builders sign post made it all fall into place.

The harbour wall is getting a facelift to strengthen it after years of battering from the sea, and these concrete sugar lumps will replace and augment the vast expanse of them already used as precarious vantage points for keen anglers. It’s daft really but I always imagined the blocks were a side product of some of the bigger building projects around the island.

The next call had to be the harbour wall itself, normally I walk along it most days to see what’s floating and bobbing but I have missed it for a few days – well what could possibly change that quickly. I soon found that some enterprising souls, probably the port authority has installed three gleaming new blue telescopes that bring the horizon into sharp focus for a mere 50 cents. My schoolboy sense of humour kept daring me to smear ink around the eye pieces – well it was always hilarious in The Beano. That’s my lesson for the day – in future I will try to keep em peeled as Shaw Taylor (ask your gran) would say.

Kicking my heels waiting for the fishermen’s protest to start, I wandered out to the ferry port to tickle a few fish and tease a few crabs – you know the sort of thing “didn’t I see your uncle in a jar of Princess Spread? Normally there is a pretty steady diet of ships around Los Cristianos but lately there has been more variety and a few bigger cruise liners to come.

Moored up across from the ferry terminal was a two mast elegant visitor called Tecla, moving in for a closer nosey I could see it had a Dutch flag and a banner advert for potential crew on the gangplank. I have been on several of the tall ships that call in Santa Cruz, they do a nice line in adventure trips where you can get hands on experience of climbing the rigging, scrubbing decks, steering, and navigating – for a fee.

The route for the next voyage was displayed on the banner and looked full of promise including Cape Verde, Brazil, South Africa, Mauritius, Australia and Bermuda. One of the three permanent crew explained they were taking on up to 16 trainees of Dutch, German, and Belgium origin for the vast voyage that would stretch to well over a year.

I know you are longing for the lowdown, the schooner was built in 1915 in Vlaardingen to gather herring from the north sea but had to retire to Holland in 1935. Sold to a Danish buyer thee current name replaced the original Graaf van Limburg Stirum and off she popped to haul grain, stone and turf along the Denmark coast. Eventually in 1979 the ship had a re-fit in Holland and started a new life as a charter ship. It was a nice little extra for me on my early evening stroll, especially as it was a short stop with an early morning next day departure for new liquid challenges. Fair winds to you Tecla and may thee barnacles never bother your bottom.

The Russians are coming – and it could be just in the nick of time to save Tenerife tourism. That’s certainly my impression after a pleasant day up west visiting old haunts around Los Gigantes, it was always a more sedate area but in recent years it has thinned out considerably. The main point of my trip was to get s guided tour of Royal Sun Resort which re-opened in November after closing eight years ago, just before I moved down south.

The Royal Sun Hotel was known as The Jewel in the Crown of Los Gigantes, sitting at the top of the hill above the village like a slightly elusive beacon of luxury. In my days at The Western Sun newspaper I had many happy assignments up there, my first big interview was with actress Gillian Taylforth and I did reviews of several acts that performed in the first floor Imperial Bar of an evening. Walking up there from the bus reminded me of what a fantastic viewpoint there is from that lofty perch.

There’s a big Russian stake in the new ownership and that was reflected in the menus, notices, and the guests. Look out for a review soon on blog.tenerife.co.uk but for now these photos give a sneak preview , there’s more work to be done but it’s looking good. Walking down into the village it was busier than I expected as the New Year rush melts away, several business owners said they had noticed an increase in trade since November and Russian accents underlined the point. It would be good to see Los Gigantes enjoy a revival in fortunes – diversity could be the key.

Heading down to the marina I was quite dismayed to see the new barriers to limit parking at the front, it was like Checkpoint Charlie, apparently it has caused a lot of resentment and early tactical parking further up the hill. It was also noticeable how many pleasure boat and whale watching trips were competing for trade along the quayside, if they are all making a decent living that is another encouraging sign. On the other side the beach was busy but being buffeted by some biggish waves, I used to love swimming out from there with the towering cliffs making me feel I was clasped in the hand of nature.

Running up Cardiac Hill like a young frisky gazelle brought me into Puerto Santiago where I used to live, a lively Canarian enclave with nice little bars that I used to frequent. The big car park is still sealed and unused years after completion but again people were around in numbers as I headed down past the pocket sized beach below and the cultural centre with its eye grabbing fishing sculptures clinging to the outside walls. I was always amazed that there were no serious accidents at the tight hairpin turn known as Spanish Corner, even now I wince as two opposing Titsa buses squeeze by each other.

I was going to fill up on tuna at the plaza down below but it was early closing day for the restaurant so that can wait for another trip. Instead I wandered out onto the plaza and tipped my imaginary hat to the statue of former mayor Pancracio Socas. Before getting a bus back to the south I ventured into Playa de la Arena and watched some big waves fighting a duel with bathers on the black sand beach. This was another favourite swimming spot for me but getting a good line was important to avoid the rockier areas. It was always one of the best maintained beaches around, now they even have Wi Fi so you can surf without getting your tootsies wet. Lots of happy memories came back to me, every bar tells a story, but as the Titsa express pulled in bang on time I flashed my bono and headed into the sunset.

…Damm, those festive pop tunes still wont get out of my brain. Like a big soggy pudding, the last week has got all stodgy and mixed up so it’s time for an update before I blow 2012 out of my bottom with hardly a backward glance of regret.

The best presents of all this yuletide have been the visit of my friends Neal and Karen from Bournemouth, and a youth football tournament just down the road to bridge the yawning gap while CD Tenerife practice tactics on their new electronic soccer games. A sizzling spell of sunny weather has been very welcome too, tourism has been down in the dumps so we really want to send the bumper crop of holidaymakers home with good things to say about the rock.

Surfacing from a rather drunken Christmas day it was good to throw myself into the Arona Football 7 Tournament at the CD Marino ground, I was quite shocked to arrive to find Barcelona taking on Valencia ahead of the official 10 am start – nothing happens on time here let alone early. Anyway the footie was good and I even got the interview I needed with Liverpool coach Darren Hughes and some handy snaps of Liverpool losing 5-0 to Real Madrid.

The Titsa bus nutter hunt is a fine tradition I share with Neal and Karen so on Friday we made an early start to Icod (top pic) a wonderful twisty route like a roller coaster up through Santiago del Teide and northwards. Icod was at its post festive best but not overly busy, the bar we popped in had a strange confrontational reality show muted on the TV, it would have made the BBC blush in the 1970’s as some lecherous young chap got too familiar with his future bride and ex.

Grabbing a taxi we headed up to Santa Barbara to see my friends George and Ingrid at the Artlandya bear and doll museum, a truly beautiful place. The bears and dolls were in fine form and as usual our hosts hospitality was overwhelming with home made apricot jam cake and milkshake blended from bananas from the overflowing basket of nature that makes up their restored farm. Relaxing on the café terrace the bells of the village church were playing carols adding to the serene atmosphere perched high above the Garachico coast as lizards scuttled in the undergrowth. George whizzed us back to Icod in time for the bus south and we stopped off at El Gomero restaurant near Las Americas bus station. They were busier than ever but squeezed us in for a scrummy meal with lashings of …..Dorada – who needs ginger beer.

Whoops this was going to be a short update but I’m already rambling like Ronnie Corbett on acid. Let’s jump forward to Saturday and the final of the Arona tournament in the evening, I arrived in good time for the final between Atletico Madrid and Valencia and soaked up the friendly mood at pitch side as the young 5,000 crowd bundled to catch freebie football cards being sprayed around. It was good to see the international teams all enjoying their prime seating behind the goal and I found myself thinking again why don’t they ever invite a local team to compete and why didn’t CD Marino make more of the huge crowd to advertise their existence and future games.

The 20 minute each way game was good, some of the under 12 players looked like they could easily blag their way into the local nightclubs – what are they feeding them on? I was a bit disgusted that after Atletico scored their 8^th minute winner they cynically started patting the ball around to kill time but despite a storming second half from Valencia they held on. The trophies were presented by Vicente del Bosque and the kids needed a fork lift truck to pick the mammoth trophy up, can’t wait for next years competition. There will be loads more pics and full details in The Tenerife Weekly out on Friday 4 January.

After the game myself, Neal, Karen, and The General headed down to Fañabe for some chicken and beer at the beach front followed by a stop off at Soul City in San Eugenio for Dorada nightcaps – that’s how we roll, as those nice American chappies would say. That’s better, now I feel a bit more tuned in to the world and ready for New Years Eve.

I didn’t need asking twice, a circus of horrors with zombies, vampires and blood splattered mad nurses sounds just my cup of blood. So with my neck washed and a sprig of garlic tucked in my pocket I set off for the Tenerife capital in plenty of time.

It had been a bit cloudy down south but as soon as I got off the bus in Santa Cruz I could see they had just been drenched but that didn’t deter me from popping into the port to see what ships were about. The Costa Atlantica cruise ship was heading out leaving me to focus on La Belle De L’Adriatque (above) this four deck cruiser spends the summer carrying 200 passengers around the coasts of Croatia, Turkey, and Greece.

Round in the marina sailing ships were gathering for the Transatlantic Superyacht & Maxi Regatta to St Lucia at the end of the month, one of the biggest was Shenadoah Of Sark (above) I also spied Regina Maris and Wylde Swan, both registered in Holland and ready to embark on training voyagers for young crews.

With dainty blobs of rain splashing the water I headed back inland to grab a bite and just avoided a deluge by nipping into El Rincon Canario near the Caja Canarias HQ. Bargains abound in these tight times and for 7.50 euros I enjoyed a thick vegetable soup, followed by hake, spuds and salad, and rounded off with a soft creamy desert, all washed down with a can of coke. Time to head in the direction of the big top with a stop off at the TEA library for a little research, all the study desks were packed with students doing home work and I just managed to get a free hours internet on one of the 50 computers. Another regular stop is CC Tres de Mayo near the bus station, they often have mini events on to entice shoppers, this time it was a cup cake workshop, and what lovely cup cakes the assembled ladies had, I hung around hoping for a bite but the circle was closed.

The witching hour was near so I cut through to the big top – black of course – at the Parque Maritimo car park and could already hear demonic screams and howls. Circo de los Horrores updates traditional circus acts with a horror theme and as I entered the reception area I was nearly caught by the ghoulies like the gravedigger, the blood soaked nurse, and a leather faced lumberjack wielding a chainsaw. It was a good show, if you want to see a full review with photos go to Tenerife Magazine. I looked around the bar area in the interval but 3 euros for a can of beer was a little bit too frightening.

Just over two hours later I made a quick getaway fearing they might lock me in one of the cages or try to scrub my scarey make up off – Oi I always look that rough. A quick dash through the rainy side streets and I caught the 11.30 Titsa bus back to Los Cristianos in time for a Dorada at The Merry Monk – now that’s what I call the devils brew.

When bathers get careless, when the sea gets choppy, when disabled beach lovers need a little help, the lifeguards of Los Cristianos can be relied on to step in with a helping hand, reassuring advice, or ultimately life risking bravery. The socorristas of El Camison, Los Cristianos, and Las Vistas beaches now find themselves desperate for a lifeline after the company that employs them ran out of money leaving them unpaid for over three months.

The 18 lifeguards are on strike and drowning in a sea of debt with Arona council unable to offer any help. Three years ago Catalan company Sport & Salvament took over the contract after it was put out to tender by Arona council but now the money has dried up. Banners hang from the lifeguards station explaining their plight and even the flags indicating the state of the sea carry messages of desperation and frustration.

One of the guards explained “ we are all struggling and have rents and mortgages to pay, the council say they have more important areas where their help is needed. The only thing keeping us going is the kindness of the public who have been making donations to us. If people feel strongly about this they can call the council direct on 010 to give their view or sign a complaint in the Tourist Information Office.”

Los Cristianos beaches have a proud record of safety, and accessibility for all but the amphibian chairs for the disabled are not in use and the look out posts are empty as the strike drags on.

Latest – the lifeguards are now amending their banners to say “not paid for four months”