A little weirdness always makes my day so I was very happy sat in a cave made from glowing blue plastic water bottles. It was an unexpected bonus from my trip to La Laguna and Santa Cruz, I love strange art and the Instituto de Canarias Cabrera Pinto (below) in Calle San Agustin is always worth a detour when in La Laguna.

The current exhibition in the Sala de Exposiciones is called MBIDOM by Nestor Torrens, entering the main hall I was greeted by a blue glow, all the walls and ceiling were covered in the tinted blue water bottles with red lights in the caps to add a contrast. The young lady guide was sat in a small alcove also made out of the bottles and looked like a rather attrctive Smurf as the glow enveloped her. Wandering around I found sofas and a large table in a small side room, all made from the same water filled containers. Suitably impressed I headed towards the exit of the main building but saw an arrow pointing to a Cosy Room upstairs and of course my curiosity led me up the stone stairwell.

A small entrance led into a tight twisitng low corridor of the blue botles and opened up into a circular chamber with a cushioned seating area in the middle. I lay across the seating and imagined what a bizarre bedroom this would make – only problem would be the water in the bottles would make me want the toilet every 10 minutes. Some other visitors squeezed into the chamber and we exchanged puzzled glances before I eased my way back out. The guard outsidewhere the quadrangle looks down onto a typical Canarian courtyard gave me a brief nod of acknowledgement as I headed out into normal sunlight without the blue haze. The exhibition is on until 4 July, Tuesday to Friday 11 to 2 and 5 to 8 with just 11 to 2 on Saturday and Sunday and it’s free.

Back down to Santa Cruz and a sneak preview of the new Carnaval Museum, it’s in the commercial centre Parque Bulevar and spread out through the three floors with costume clad dummies hanging from ceilings and lurking at the top of escalators. There are also glass cases with smaller exhibits and plenty of reproductions of old Santa Cruz Carnaval posters. The official inauguration is next Wednesday at 7pm but the exhibits are in place and extra lighting is just being tweaked to bring out the magic from the costumes. There are 79 business units in the building but on several visits I have yet to see it anywhere near busy – shame as it is set out well and they make an effort with outside entertainment for the children.

The exhibits have got to help make the centre more attractive, there’s a really creepy Ronald McDonald figure sat on a bench downstairs – quite realistic, his fries seem to follow you around the room. Anyway if you happen to be in Santa Cruz have a wander around, Parque Bulevar is just behind the Caja Canarias HQ on the ferry port side of town.

Leggy promotion girls handing out cocktails and posh nibbles at the pool side, that was my first experience of the Hotel Jardin Tropical back in October 2008. It was the launch party for the first Tenerife Champions Cup beach volleyball competition and I was snapping photos of some of the competing players and grabbing the odd interview, honest I wasn’t enjoying all the pampering – well maybe a little bit.

Fast forward and Tenerife Magazine are offering a weeks half board holiday at this four star luxury zone in Costa Adeje. Hotel Jardin Tropical has moved with the times, they had a complete refurbishment in 2010 but still have wonderful tropical gardens and a great range of food. There’s the El Patio restaurant that makes the most of the garden setting, Las Rocas for gourmet cuisine at the headland with the sea lapping just beyond, and Las Mimosas, a bright cheery dining room and patio where breakfast comes with extra rise and shine.

Costa Adeje is one of my favourite wandering areas, starting out at La Caleta I often walk along the coastal promenade past Hotel Jardin Tropical and the other posh modern hotels.The beaches are high quality and the mix of water sports and safe bathing make it popular with families – and there’s always somewhere I can buy a big gooey ice cream and drible it all down my shirt.

Anyway back to the competition, just answer a simple question at the Tenerife Magazine home page and wait for the draw on 31st May 2012. The prize is a week’s half board holiday for two to be taken, subject to availability within 12 months. The prize doesn’t include flights and is not transferable and must be claimed within 2 weeks of the draw or it will be re-drawn. Good luck.

To the untrained eye I was just lazing around at Via Vai near the beach feeding my face and slurping a cold drink but another lovely afternoon was shaping up nicely. The Feria del Libro (book fair) was on its last day outside the Los Cristianos Cultural Centre, not just stalls with a range of books on culture, food and local history but also a stage where I saw soprano Candelaria Gonzalez shake the rafters at the opening presentation.

On the way to my lunch break I had popped into the 2 day Feria de Oportunidades (bargain fair) where over 40 Arona business’s had taken stalls to clear oldstock at crazy prices. It was bustling quite well with some heavy scrummig down at the more popular clothes stalls. Never get too near to a woman in search of a bargain, they are lethal, some of the stall holders were thinking about ccalling in a UN peace keeping force at one point. To the side of the stalls there was a large bouncy castle slide for the little ones to play on, they could have let me have one go down the slide it looked great fun – apparently I’m a bit old – ageist or what.

Back at my food stop a few shoppers were comparing the contents of their bargain bags and were well chuffed, in thes tight times it’s a helpful boost to struggling local business’s and adds another attraction to a fairly quiet Saturday afternoon. Looking across to the ferry port I could see the top deck of an unusually sleek and stylish boat peering over the usual fishing boats along from the old beach. I normally head round that way for a relaxing walk and a chance to talk to the fishes – their sport knowledge is sketchy but they are quite opinionated about the latest film releases.

As soon as I got near, the size of this motor yacht impressed me, obviously a very rich persons plaything and in 10 years here I have never seen a private boat moored up near where the excursion boats load and unload. It’s an open area and quite a few people had gathered to admirre the gleaming craft, the name Vive La Vie didn’t tell me much and a red flag with a Union Jack in the corner puzzled me. Someone mentioned the Cayman Islands and later research showed this to be right on the money, the motto on the flag said He Hath Founded It Upon The Sea . A big chap who didn’t look short of a euro disembarked down the gang plank and in perfect polite English answered a few general questions and was suitably vague about the yachts owners. I did ask for a tour on board but got the no I expected.

Anyway a mix of scraps of info and later frantic internet action told ne the 60 metre yacht was built in 2008 at Bremen, Germany by Lurssen to specific specifications for “a man and his family”. Top speed is 18 nautical miles an hour, it can sleep 12 each of crew and guests but most impressive of all was the fantastic inside design with a hi tech modern lounge, a fitness room, bedrooms that would shame many hotels, and a jacuzi. The yacht may be out on charter, aa notice on the gang plank made it clear that privacy would be protected with 24 hour security. We may never know who are illustriuos visitors are but they are sure to be impressed by Los Cristianos as it was at its dazzling best.

If credits rolled at the end of The Passion in Adeje “shepherd with shovel” would appear on the honours. As noon approached Roman soldiers shuffled their sandals, the Empress toyed with her snake, even the Roman eagle had a little flutter, and the horses showed their nerves in a less delicate manner.

There has to be some back stage jitters for this annual street theatre extravaganza that re-creates the last days of Christ and his crucifixion. A cast of 300 actors rehearse for months, scenery and costumes are lovingly created, and Calle Grande is transformed to a biblical setting thanks to liberal sprinklings of palm ferns and leaves.

The crowd was bigger than ever this year, 22,000 people lined the street from the church at the top down to the small plaza where Jesus would be nailed to a wooden cross. Press and the local television crews following the scenes as they unfold dress in costume so as to not distract from the emotionally charged story.

Even The Greatest Story Ever Told can benefit from a few tweaks, this year there were more dancers and some extra passages of dialogue, relayed over speakers from head sets worn by the main characters. The key elements were all there in their usual glory, The Last Supper, the garden of Gethsemane, Pontius Pilot’s court room and the market.

The power and realism is a tribute to the hard work of everyone involved, no gory detail is spared from Jesus chained and whipped by the Romans to the graphic nailing of Jesus to the cross before it is hoisted before his mother and Mary Magdalene. As Jesus forgave his captors with his last breath and his close friends wept at his loss, many of the onlookers shed tears too and everyone crowded into the final area was visibly moved as every last drop of emotion was wrung out.

It was the hangmans noose that caught my eye, swinging from its wooden frame at the Los Cristianos showground. The wild west came to Arona as the theme of this years Carnaval and it was a big hit with The Good, The Bad, And The Cuddly.

There were some bold tweaks to the programme, the Cabalgata opening parade set the tone adding a splash of colour to Veronicas in Playa de Las Americas as the dance troops and murgas assembled. Making their way to the edge of Los Cristianos the parade added some new converts to the Carnaval cause while my attention was rounded up by the high kicking cowgirls.

Back at the showground – AKA the Valdes Centre car park, the main stage was taking shape with a western town look featuring the frontage of a bank and saloon. The Carnaval Queen election was predictably late starting but the large seated crowd showed no sign of being restless and the pre election show was a whirlwind skip through the founding of the wild west with shoot outs, indians and the cavalry all playing their part.

Natalia Suarez (above) swapped her stetson for a Queens crown as late night revelry took us into Saturday and another new feature, the Day Carnaval. The showground served up a Bonanza of live music and the young guns were looked after at the church plaza with face painting and murgas performing their kazoo inspired music. Day turned into night and the showground was thumping well into the early hours but next morning at 9 am I looked in to hopefully catch an early glimpse of the classic car display due at 10.30. It was buzzing with cleaning activity from Arona council’s finest, spraying, brushing and wombling up the mess, they always come up trumps at the big events.

Rushing back from seeing CD Tenerife shooting blanks in a 0-0 draw I dived in to the full glory of the Coso parade as they slapped on the make up and adjusted their dresses at the Paloma beach assembly point. The cavalcade of colour seemed longer than ever and the enthusiasm shone through during the hot two hour dance of delight up to the Cultural Centre. People hung over balconies, sat on parents shoulders, and climbed every tree and wall possible to get a better view of the lovingly crafted costumes. Shedding their bright skins the multi coloured army took to the showground to pulverise their aching feet with joyous dancing in a zone where the clock has no meaning.

It’s always sad to say farewell to Carnaval but at least it was done in traditional style with Monday’s sardine funeral. The usual suspects were there, wailing mourners exposing a bizarre variety of underwear, mock clergy with their own special holy water, and the star of the show, a huge cheecky faced sardine, blissfully unaware of it’s fate. Los Cristianos was bouncing, crying, singing, and drinking as they propelled the doomed fish along the back streets and down to the beach. Mourners were eventually forced to withdraw from the sardines side and as the flames leapt up the scales and the fireworks went off the dancing and partying was re-ignited for one last late blow out.

As Carnavals go this years will be talked about by old cowboys for a long time to come but for now it was time to catch up on some sleep as we all faced the end. Some were a bit more saddle sore than others, you can see the full gallery of photos here.

Was it The Twilight Zone or Westworld when the power goes off? I had pitched up in Santa Cruz at Carnaval midday, when party animals were sleeping last night off and mere mortals like myself were flooding in for the big Coso parade later in the afternoon. Several fancy dress bodies were snoozing where they had dropped and as the fair rides stood eerily still, burgers, hot dogs, and spuds were being stock piled for the assault ahead.

I walked through to Teatro Guimera, the temporary end of the Tenerife tram line and found a gradual stirring of people, nearly all the shops were closed for this local holiday but along at Plaza del Principe music was blaring out as groups performed. The weather had blossomed nicely with bright sunshine as parade performers prepared in side streets, a group of multi coloured Murgas were helped into their outfits and had make up applied to their faces. Even at their young ages they were real troopers, turning on the smiles for curious cameras as they battled the nerves.

I passed by Plaza de España where the goliath sized stage towered over all like a cathedral, empty now but I hope to see it throbbing with music at Saturday’s all day celebrations. The plaza lake was drained and sealed off and makeshift cafes had set up around the edges, the sizzling burgers and onions were forcing my nostrils open and teasing my tummy. Two large cruise liners had just come into port and a tidal wave of passengers rushed up the stairway from the quay to Avenida Anaga where the floats and bands were assembling. One ship, Aidabella had just come from Las Palmas and many of her guests were already decked out in party gear from the Gran Canaria carnaval, small stall holders along the promenade gleefully waited to kit them out.

The Avenida and Paseo Maritima were packed with carnaval fans, the front few rows had bagged their seats hours before while others climbed, statues, trees, and the cactus trimmed cafe roofs by the plaza, to get a prime view point. Just before 4pm the lead marching band drummed up a strident rhythm and the parade set off very slowly. The Carnaval Queen Carmen Gil led the way as dancers and baton twirlers trailed behind them, individual characters darted between the main acts displaying delightfully bad taste and squritng their admirers with water. Cameras clicked and proud parents waved to their offspring as the procession inched along.

This year the road widening work on the Via Litoral made things a bit more restricted, I found this out the hard way, squeezing through a gap only to find a sheer drop to the underpass halting my progress, a few risked a narrow ledge but I retraced my steps back along the Avenida to find a crossing point to the city side of the street. This detour really underlined the length and sheer numbers of the parade, I finally found the tail down by the old jet foil station with many smaller vehicles still waiting to move off. Crossing and squeezing along the packed pavement outside the busy bars and cafes I eventually caught up with the half way section of the parade for some more photos.

The leading performers had reached the fair by now and were ripping off layers of costume and grabbing a drink and a cigarette as padded hats and jackets were slung into vans. The big wheel and other scarey rides were turning now, the formal part of the day over meant it was time to party into the night. I had my own game to play, sardines at the bus station, but thanks to the Titsa bus company I was soon heading back to the south with memories of one of the biggest and best Coso parades in recent years.

There’s something about Christmas that brings out the worst in CD Tenerife, we have had some stinkers in the past just before the break but this 2-2 draw with Marino de Luanco was one of the worst.

With current form described as wobbly at best, a strong performance was needed against opponents from a small village with just 5,000 inhabitants. The defensive mentality of coach Calderon has alienated many fans and even allowing for other festive distractions the Heliodoro looked well down on numbers, a mere 6,441 was the official figure.

The first half hour of play was awful, neither side troubled the goalkeepers and play was scrappy and lacking any direction. Tenerife finally managed a shot after 27 minutes from Kiko (top pic) but this and a Chechu effort soon after were easily dealt with by former CDT stopper Ponzo. Woken from their slumber, Tenerife started to show some good football and were rewarded after 33 minutes, a Bravo cross was met perfectly with a glancing header by Kiko and it was 1-0. The visiting keeper had looked confident but lost the ball after Zazo shot following another Bravo cross, Perona (above) was on hand to score his 7^th of the season for a 2-0 lead at the break.

That should have been the springboard to a demolition of Luanco but the old problems came back for the second half. Tenerife looked happy to sit back on the lead and sure enough six minutes into play Titi put the ball past a hesitant Sergio to reduce the arrears. The confidence drained away and coach Calderon brought on Ferran and Marcos but they couldn’t make any impact and Meji on for Sergio Rodriguez a few minutes later was also a fruitless move.

The inevitable happened after 71 minutes, a break on the left ended with Arias scoring to level the game. Calderon was squirming on the bench as abuse started to fly his way from the frustrated crowd. Tenerife managed a late fight back, Bravo had his legs taken out from under him in the box but the ref didn’t give the obvious penalty. Bravo had a clear chance when Ponzo fumbled the ball but his reactions weren’t fast enough to reach the ball. Into injury time and Kiko could have got a penalty after being mugged in mid air by Ponzo and a defender but again the ref wasn’t interested. The final whistle brought a chorus of calls for Calderon to be sacked. Amazingly rival teams dropped points and Tenerife moved up to third spot but the problems remain and all eyes will be on our three wise men – Concepcion, Cordero and Calderon for some encouragement before Segunda B resumes in January with two away games.

Everybody has a story to tell and I love to hear them. Social media can ping news around the world in seconds but there’s still no substitute for talking to people and finding out how rich and interesting their lives are. Tenerife is an amazing place for paths to cross and Santa Cruz always rewards me with some surprise finds on my frequent visits up to the capital.

Take last Saturday, my intention was a pre christmas tour of decorations and nativity scenes but I found loads more. The docks are always a rich source and even a scan of the daily papers for ships passing through merely scratches the surface. Cruise ships have been coming in mob handed lately but it was two wooden masts that excited me, peeping over the fencing put up to hide the road widening of Via Litoral. Heading across the quay side I stopped to inspect two cordoned off old fishing boats rescued from the ravages of the sea. Ripped open, splintered, and covered in old sea life, they wouldn’t see another voyage but they had clearly had some fine adventures. Up ahead I found the Stavros S Niarchos (above) proudly flying the flag for the Tall Ships Adventures.

Hailing a couple of crew members they broke off from their spit and polishing to tell me a little about the ship and dug out a publicity brochure to fill in some of the gaps. Basically it’s a training ship for team building and confidence for those wanting a holiday that tests them against the elements. Based in Santa Cruz from November to April they take on paying crew for each 7 to 18 night voyage, the Captain’s Christmas Special was due to depart the next day, hence the frantic polishing, skirting around the islands for a week. Crews have to pitch in and learn to steer, set rigging 100 feet up, and stand watch as well as cleaning the ship during “happy hour” well it is scrubbing to music. As I walked away I could hear the reassuring creak of the bough and the strain of the mooring rope.

At a little jutting extremity of the quay I noticed a dark brooding iron vessel low in the water so edged a little nearer, the military style uniforms advised caution so I snapped from a discreet distance and angle. Just as well, turns out the Alcaravan is a Spanish customs ship. no lingering here I thought and anyway a jaunty modern three master with a Swedish flag was beckoning me onthe other side of the port. Passing the main gates on the way around I noticed several scribbled notes pinned on seeking passage to Africa and South America. They all offered to work their way with skills such as cooking and cleaning but one proclaimed themselves as an entertainer and clown. In my mind I could see how that skill might not be quite what was called for when the ship was being tossed around in a raging storm.

Swerving round to the other side of the docks I found the Alva a 1939 built cargo ship from Stockholm conveted to a school ship, lessons at sea seem quite popular. This one when fully rigged has 600 square metres of sail. Inside the 44 metre long ship there are 15 cabins with all mod cons. I grabbed a quick word with the captain and it seems that they too are based in Santa Cruz for a few months to take out 30 upper school students at a time on regular learning trips complete with teachers to ensure they continue their normal lessons. The Tall Ship Adventures were quite expensive, upward of 400 pounds excluding flights to Tenerife, but Swedish law means the students can only be charged for meals, the rest comes out of normal teaching budgets. With my curiosity satisfied and some more leaflets to read I waved goodbye with the pungent smell of the newly applied deck varnish stinging my nose.

Oh well that was probably enough for one day but back in the centre of Calle Castillo I saw a motorbike draped with world maps and flags stood near a local cafe and moved in to read some of the press cuttings stuck to the bike. The roaring steed was clearly on a epic round the world journey, up stepped the owner a Russian adventurer Yarets Vladimir Aleckseevich. Pointing to a sign he explained that he was trying to become the first deaf mute to motorbike around the world. The following “conversation” was a delicate mix of sign language, pointing, and flicking through his extensive catalogues of photos and postcards. Blimey this old Russian had certainly got around a bit, not an easy task with his limitations. What an amazing chap, you can see more about his journey at his website. I got the distinct impression that this was an open ended journey that would carry on until Yarets reached the end of his own personal road, good luck to you sir.

Finally with the nativity’s visited, the timbers shivered, and the miles clocked it was time for my own more modest journey, back down south to Los Cristianos.

Â

Some christmas traditions are still special even if your not a young boy anymore but as I am still in short trousers I can be excused for making a pilgrimage to Santa Cruz to see the nativity scenes or belens as they are called here in Tenerife. First stop was Caja Canarias HQ in Plaza del Patriotismo, in the hallway outside there were large displays from a childrens christmas card contest and proud parents were taking photos of their offsprings work.

They basically use the same models and scenery for this display but change the layout each year, this time it was one long display of rolling hills and little farming hamlets. Several of the fiqures move, chopping wood or lifting hay and even the little ponds have live fish in them. The room lighting dims and rises again constantly to give night scenes when fires and lights shine through from inside the houses. Two staff members were on hand to make sure that no eager hands made a grab like a scene from Land Of The Giants, fancy being a bouncer on a nativity show.

The whole of the capital city is in christmas mode, the ice rink is back but moved from Plaza de España to Plaza Europa much to the annoyance of some shop keepers. It’s real ice, not this plastic stuff, and proved very popular last year. I wandered by during the afternoon break and could just manage a peak through the window, despite being a long term hockey fan I’m as graceful on the ice as an elephant on marbles so they wont have missed me out there. It’s here until 8 January and opens from 10.30 to 2 pm, and 4.30 to 11 pm, just 5 euros an hour (4 euros for 12’s and under) including skate hire.

Back to the nativity hunt, this time at the Cabildo building, their theme this year was cave dwelling and the models were suitably impressive. The stable scene is the final one in a fairly compact show, if you look up the stairs you can also catch a glimpse of the impressive stained glass in the Tenerife governments home. All these belens are free to see, the Cabildo always have a voluntary donation box for a local charity, this year it’s Caritas who do fine work helping the homeless and needy.Out at Plaza Candelaria the nativity stable looked wonderful with Joseph, Mary, and the animals, sadly no baby Jesus in the crib as he got stolen last year.

The shopping streets had to be explored as well, all the traders are trying to boost trade at a difficult time so the least I could do was to see what they were up to. Calle Teobaldo Power were going for a green christmas with a tree decorating day and a green carpet, all part of a Binter Airlines sponsorship. My favourite though was Calle Jesus Nazareno, my eye was caught by their candy striped extensions to the bollards, I even caught the Candyman himself painting his way up the street. What a simple but effective idea, the traders from the surrounding cafes and beauty parlour all came out to appreciate his magnificent handiwork.

I knew there was another belen I should have found, it was the Canarian Parliament building in Calle del Castillo, the main shopping street. The outside may now look like a modern tea room but scan upward and the faded lime green roof is a dead giveaway. This was another long parade of festive inspired village scenes but looking just behind them I could see Canarian landmarks like the basalt cliffs of Vallehermoso in La Gomera. Inspired by the Catalan tradition of El Caganer, the poohing peasant, there was a figure caught in the crevice of a rock with his trousers down answering the call of nature, good job it wasn’t aromavision.

It has to be said it was fairly quiet in Santa Cruz, what with the lack of money and the regular promotions to prise wallets open again, but at least I went home with a warm glow in my heart. Christmas eh – don’t you just love it.

If I was paid a large sum of money I would wear pink flippers and a silly hat but it seems that footballers are harder to please. It was a nice surprise to get an invite to go and see Everton train at Tenerife Top Training in La Caleta and even the request to avoid close ups of their feet didn’t phase me, it seems they didn’t all have the boots they are paid to wear. Assistant coach Steve Round was good enough to give me a quick interview after training, a good mornings work I thought.

The clubs communication manager phoned me to find out more about where the article was going, apparently the winter break was supposed to be “under the radar” . Strange that within a few hours of ariving on Sunday night at their west coast hotel the players were out and about in Playa de Las Americas chilling and having fun. It was a bit of a surprise to get an email from T3 a few days later demanding I pull the photos from my Tenerife Magazine article, not because of dodgy boots but their bright yellow training bibs with a sports company’s name across the front, it appears it was another non sponsor.

Thankfully there were smoother waters the next day for my trip to La Gomera and bright and early I was on the Fred Olsen Express with a looped tape of Barry White playing over the tannoy. Pushing through the water with the Love Walrus crooning away the sun was hot and the sea calm and in 40 minutes I was off the ship in San Sebastian and into the marina next door to meet the crew of Row For Freedom, one of 17 teams in the Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge. Only four of the six female crew were there to greet me (the others arrived later) but they were even more lovely than in the publicity shots, I managed a quick interview before touring the marina to hear some of the amazing tales of determination and courage from the other rowers.

It’s a good four years since I set foot on La Gomera but it all came back to me quickly and I was able to scamper up to the mirador off the main plaza to get some panoramic views for photos and a short video of the trip. Back in the plaza I enjoyed a snack and a drink as I basked in the sunshine. Huge German cruise liner Mein Scheiff was in port and its passengers swarmed around the town, they even had cycle hire on board so a squad of about 30 bikers on identical bikes with matching helmets were sweeping around the square.

Going back past the repairs and stocking up at the marina and through the tunnel I emerged on Playa de la Cueva and looked out across the sea to a crystal clear Tenerife, a truly inspiring sight. A tall rock stack with steps hewn into the rock made a great vantage point to enjoy even better views, maybe Christopher Columbus had stood on the top prior to sailing for America. Back in the marina I met the other two equally lovely ladies from Row For Freedom as they all posed in new t-shirts. The rowers were a joy to talk to, so unassuming and all with great tales to tell, their enthusiasm at being cramped into small rowing boats for around two months on the way to Barbados was as bright as the baking sunshine.

Having crammed my notebook and camera it was time to get the 5.30pm last ferry back to Tenerife, it pulled out of port as a pair of rowers trained out at sea and the sunset that followed was just another reward in a day of highlights. Good luck to all the rowers for the off on Sunday 4 December, in the words of my on board friend Barry White “Your my First, My Last, My Everything”.