Arm wrestling for supremacy, summer and autumn reached a good natured stand off for my latest return to Oxford. My Tenerife flight landed at Birmingham on the hottest day of the year, 34 degrees, with blue skies, but dew laden morning grass and a carpet of brown leaves hinted at impending colder weather. That first evening found me with friends enjoying a decent real ale at The Angel And Greyhound, and even the 4.25 price tag couldn’t temper my pleasure at being back in Cowley.

The blue skies of the city centre were not as clear as usual, crane towers criss crossed the skyline above the fast emerging Westgate shopping centre. This goliath of a project had me scurrying around to find my relocated bus stops and has caused hope and consternation in equal measures among traders. I climbed the 99 steps of Carfax Tower the next day to get a birds eye view of the site and the city centre. The good weather ensured the main streets were packed with shoppers, tourists, and novelty entertainers like the man playing a violin on a tightrope.

One of the pleasures of this trip was getting to see my beloved Oxford City FC at home to Maidenhead United. The hoops are in a financial mess at the moment, a better than usual crowd of around 400 will have helped a little but the 1-3 defeat showed that City will struggle this season in the Bananarama Conference South. Maybe a cup run or a home grown nugget could help to balance the books but City have survived worse in the past, they built up from park football after loosing the Old White House Ground to their college landlords. I still have faith in them and will watch with interest from afar.

Real Ale was also on my agenda and although I was a bit early for the dark, brooding winter ales I prefer, I did find some nice brews and several pubs fighting back against the lure of cheap supermarket beer at home. Full marks to The Cape Of Good Hope, how rough was that in my youth, since then it has changed its face more times than Doctor Who. I sat with my friends in one of the wooden cabins out in the back yard, a nice drinking experience, or put another way, I spent the evening in a garden shed with some mates – like some drunken gnomes. Very impressed by The White Rabbit, formerly The Gloucester Arms, no longer a rock pub but a great beer range and nice barmaids. The Royal Blenheim may be partially hidden behind the Westgate building site but with ten hand pump ales it was another welcome stop.

The hot weather ended just before m trip did, heavy rain and lower temperatures but it was still great to see Oxford again, expensive, full of clueless cyclists, and almost impossible to access via the jammed up roads, but I love the quirky nature and diverse mix of people. It’s always home to me.

My school cap lasted five minutes before I deliberately lost it, never been keen on hats but the annual Fiesta del Sombrero (hat fiesta) as part of the Los Cristianos Virgen del Carmen celebrations has given me a new admiration for them. This Tenerife variety is much more jolly, inventive, and ingenious.

As the fishermen’s boats draped themselves in bunting ahead of the sea parade, a street party of tables groaning with food was taking shape in a small plaza off the old beach. A DJ was belting out dance inducing music, a mix of Spanish pop and some old Brit 70’s classics, the beer and wine were flowing, and it was only mid afternoon.

On the stage there were several prizes for the best home made head gear but this was no glory hunt, it was all about having fun. The spread of ages is always impressive, families had been united around the sewing machine, scissors, and spray paint, a sort of Blue Peter meets the last day party at a design school. There was a vague theme of the sea and Canarian traditions but basically anything quirky and amusing fitted the bill.

I wouldn’t have wanted to be the judge, all the entries were wonderful, I had severe doubts that they would be able to munch their way through the mountains of food but I knew they would give it a good go, especially washed down with plenty of lively lubrication. Over on the boats, barbecues were sizzling, music was building, and the bunting was bristling in the welcome breeze. What a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

It was enough to make Jeremy Clarkson and Chris Evans flip their bonnets, a multitude of cars spread over two parties. For me it was the fashion models at Parque Santiago 6 that revved my engine but for all who attended it was the overall glamour of a Saturday night in the west end of Los Cristianos that made it special.

The open air top tier of PS6 is the setting for regular promotional events but this was the most ambitious, a red carpet circuit around a central seating area was the focal point for the models to show off some of the outfits on sale at the centers shops. Before reaching that area there was a large display of classic cars from the Club de Amigos de Coches de Tenerife, and modern sleek styled motors from Mercedes, Porsche, Maserati to name drop but a few, all courtesy of Canary Cars. A cava and cocktail bar kept everyone fuelled up and the show was under starters orders.

A gleaming car heralded each pair of catwalk stars as they set out from their changing area. It was all about practical elegance at affordable prices for men as well as women. Full marks to all concerned, it was smooth and professional against the backdrop of the top floor shops. There were some quick changes going on and it was a very warm evening but they managed to look cool and chic. The music pumped up the mood and a commentary pointed prospective buyers towards the outlets where they could purchase their own slice of style.

On my way in I had noticed another party going on in the former pink supermarket just behind the ring road. It was the official opening night for Autostil Tenerife and more superstars of the luxury car scene spilled out onto the forecourt. They very kindly invited me in and what a transformation greeted me. There were two big open plan halls, one full of names like Rolls Royce, Alfa Romeo, and Bentley, linking to another hall with a stage and live band, and a raised bar area. It was banging in there with lights, music, and tasty snacks and a cooing admiration for the big guns of modern motoring. It was all a bit more glittering than my usual Saturday night with a few pints and a bag of pork scratchings.

I was scared to stand still in case I was oiled, polished, varnished, knotted, or stowed away in a locker. They’re a hard working and cheerful bunch aboard the Danmark training ship. This was a few days port call in Santa Cruz for the triple mast sailing vessel, on a 9,000 mile voyage from Denmark to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil but there was no slacking for the 80 young trainees.

They graciously rolled out the gangplank for weekend visitors and added host and tour guide to their growing list of skills. Several training ships pass through Tenerife with similar values of teaching teamwork, sailing, navigation and social skills, these trainees also got involved in all aspects of the day to day running and maintenance of the steel ship built in Denmark in 1933. It’s an impressive sight to see close up and the number crunching adds to its imposing stature. The ship is 215 feet (74.4 metres) long, 33 feet (10 metres) wide, standing 125 feet (38.6 metres) above the water line, three masts with 26 sails of 1,700 square metres, and 219 rigging lines. As well as the sails there is a 357 KW engine.

The crew are the heart and soul of the ship, there’s 15 full time crew plus the 80 trainees taken on for each voyage. I grabbed a word with a couple of the keen hands. Grunnhild from the Faroe Islands told me in English, the official ships language. “I had been thinking about following my two brothers into a career at sea but have no practical experience so this is a big test for me. It’s hard work but I’m enjoying being part of a big team.”

Mathew from Ireland was also relishing the challenge. “I have sailed on a tall ship in Ireland before but this is a much longer experience, I flew out to Denmark to join the voyage and sailed back past Ireland as we came down over the north of Scotland. It’s going well, we’ve seen lots of wildlife like turtles and I haven’t been seasick so that’s encouraging.”

The trainee qualifications are to be between 17 and a half and 23 years old, have a health certificate, and pass though an interview. Then six weeks craftsmanship training on shore leads to 14 weeks continuous training on the voyage. Education rarely comes free, the whole trip with training costs 3,200 euros and lots of tough, physical work, then at the end they get a certificate as an Ordinary Seaman which will get them entry to a career as a merchant marine. It’s open to anyone who is a EU citizen, whoops that ship has just sailed for some people. Hammocks are the order of the voyage but it was looking very spick and span when I popped down to the sleeping quarters, the wooden lockers and table were gleaming from a good polish.

They do get some leisure time, they are split into two watches, port and starboard, one watch was out on a coach trip around Tenerife when I called and I spotted a smartly dressed group of crew out in the city later on. This trip is the Olympic Voyage as they arrive in Rio for the games and will be promoting Danish industry. By the time they arrive they will have acquired many new skills, a lovely aroma wafted from the galley and the menu offered lasagne, veggies, and salad, not a ships biscuit in sight. Good luck to them all, it certainly seemed a happy ship.

Things were a little glummer across the port, two large Danish oil tankers, Maersk Traveller, and Maersk Trimmer were moored up, one of the Danmark crew informed me they were laid off due to the post Brexit crash in oil prices, a fate shared with many other containers, double whoops, I made my own exit at that point.

Is it the mopping of the brow, the plop of the ice creams, or the smouldering rubber of mobility scooter wheels. They are all clues to the arrival of summer’s peak in Tenerife but in downtown Los Cristianos it’s the diversity of street activities that is the clincher for me.

I never know what I’m going to walk into, an early evening exit from browsing in the cultural centre library and the slip road had been transformed into an assault course for dogs with large litter themed props strewn around. Arona Ayuntamiento (council) were promoting environmental awareness among youngsters and an attentive young audience had gathered to `learn solutions they could use to chastise their sinful parents. A hawk stood on guard on its perch, I think I had missed its moment of glory but a trainer guided a dog up and down the course to pick up selected litter items as indicated by the children. The youthful jury were then able to select the correct container for the dog to drop the rubbish in, plastic, paper, food etc.

Everyone wants dog pooh taken in hand or stamped out, but not literally, so a few plastic walnut whips were scattered around for removal, some children were even shown how to pick them up without touching by using a plastic bag. It caused quite a bit of merriment, and some guilty looking parents may have been shamed to clean up after their dogs in future. The entertaining programme is touring the Arona municipality through June and there are even two open days at the Arona refuse depot on 25 and 30 June.

Just a few days later I came across a large corporate team building challenge taking place at Las Vistas beach. A coach load of workers from Innospec, a global chemical company based in Ellesmere Port, Cheshire were over to test their practical and financial skills in a series of challenges. It was like The Apprentice meets It’s A Knockout. I caught the last act, the teams had to build catapults from a selection of parts to propel water filled balloons. Extra materials and further glimpses at the plans cost them cash, as did malfunctions on their test firings. It was all fun and very safe with medical staff on hand.

This was a new one on me, I am aware of many sporting youth groups that come to Los Cristianos for sports based courses on the beach or at the big swimming complex. Arona council run a large programme of their own summer leisure activities from baby swimming to golf, kayak, and padel classes, for locals and non residents. There’s a brochure you can pick up at the cultural centre or online at the councils website. I’m quite happy with my regular sea swimming, now which way id La Gomera?

Whatever floats your boat, powers your jet ski, or paddles your board, they can all be found at the Marina del Sur in Las Galletas. For the first weekend of June it was packed with activity as the Fenautica marine fair showed off the many ways to experience the sea in Tenerife.

As I arrived on thee bus I could see the beach packed with sun worshippers as novices tried out kayak and stand up paddle surfing near to the boatyard. King Neptune looked down approvingly from his lofty perch above the first clutch of restaurants, and youngsters sat astride the old canon that stands guard by the fishermens sales huts. The Marina curls it’s protective arm around the beach side of town making it a safe haven for swimmers and a calm mooring spot. On the other side the promenade of bars and cafes looks out over the shingle beach where the ebb and flow of the tide is accompanied by the gentle crunch of the rocks as they are raked along.

The big focus of the weekend was the marina, it always a doorway to pleasure trips and fishing as well as being a pleasant place to stroll. The Guanches Cup regatta had set off earlier and a flock of billowing white sails were bobbing along on the horizon, a few steps up to the harbour wall provided clear views out to sea. Along the marina walkway a variety of craft were on display from big cruisers to small individual boats. I recognized a couple of speed boats from the waterski racing championships of previous years, the next is at Playa San Juan in late October. I have tried kayaking and really enjoyed it, a big display of multi coloured craft reminded me that I must do some more soon.

At the end of the marina there were stalls with food, drink, and even body painting. The pontoons leading down to the water were busy with eager trialists waiting to dip their toes into the delights of parascending, diving, and jet skis and many other aquatic diversions. Throughout the two days there was plenty of music from a traditional Canarian drum band to the late evening live music on the stage at the end of the marina. I always enjoy my short hops from Los Cristianos to Las Galletas, there’s another good excuse to pop over on 18 June for Arona En Colores. That day will feature 14 hours of music, bargains, and family fun in the commercial zone including a mad rush of special offers at shops and cafes from 2 to 5 pm. Back at Fenautica everything was sailing along smoothly and Las Galletas was winning plenty of new converts.

You know it’s going to be a good party when there are two mermaids in the hotel lobby pool. That was just the start of Spring Hoteles 5^th annual music celebration, once I had taken the red carpet under the pool side arch by the Arona Gran Hotel there was a tidal wave of entertainment.

It had been a typically scorching Tenerife day and the sun was setting slowly behind the Los Cristianos ferry port, but in his raised booth looking over Las Tarajales beach the DJ was sewing a cool vibe as 250 of the great and good of the major tour companies mingled. Artist Rafa Gamez delighted the growing crowd with his well observed and skillfully sketched caricatures. The mayor of Arona Jose Julian Mena was in attendance and the cocktail welcome was backed up with a steady flow of assorted long cold drinks.

It’s going to be a big summer for Tenerife, bookings are soaring and all the hotel groups are relishing the prospect of welcoming a bumper crop of visitors. Even on a late Friday evening there were plenty of people taking the night air on the beach promenade below. They could only guess at the musical treat about to unfold for us as the Bravissimo Show burst onto a large stage with an explosion of music, dance, and saxophone. It was breath taking stuff as they raced through several lavish costume changes while the dancing got more and more seductive. For older memories like mine it made Hot Gossip look like a Cold Chat. After taking their well earned ovation, the dancers dropped down to the sun lounge and encouraged guests to strut their stuff too.

That was going to be a tough act to follow, my taste buds were already tingling at the thought of the lavish buffet dinner that awaited in the main restaurant. We entered to the sound of a flamenco guitar duo, my eyes nearly popped out as I passed the banks of exotic food that seemed to be never ending. Lobster, prawns, a stampede of salads, and a range of meats cooked to order as we waited, how’s a boy supposed to choose. The salmon won my vote, with canarian potatoes and a hint of salad I was under way. I’ll admit I returned for some turkey breast, prawns and a few more tempting treats.

As we enjoyed our meals, Rafa Gamez passed between the tables to capture some more faces with his pencil, and Steve Johnson mesmerized with his close up magic. A few Estrella beers and I was ready to tackle the stunning range of cakes and pastries, the chocolate fountain was luring people in so I had to dip a few profiteroles in the sweet flow. By now some of the ladies were displaying their nifty flamenco footwork, as someone with two left feet I was very impressed. Even fully loaded with food, there was plenty of enthusiasm for more live music as we adjourned to the big hall for Salvapantallas to mix classic rock and pop that had people up and dancing into the early hours.

It was like a flag collectors convention in Los Cristianos as the Norwegian community celebrated their national day, 17 May, with some musical help from their Canarian friends. Stopping for a moment of reflection just in front of the old beach, the Norway flags fluttered in the breeze with those of Spain, Tenerife, the Canary Islands, and Arona municipality.

This year was the 202^nd celebration of their release from Danish rule, although it took until 1905 to get full independence . The gathering point of the parade was the Scandinavian church   at El Coronel in Paseo Maritima, it serves as a spiritual and cultural home for visitors from Sweden as well as Norway. I met some long term friends from Norway and their Vice Consul Toril Merett Wulff. The Pastor of the Norwegian church Age Losneslokken was also eagerly awaiting the celebration.

Back home in Norway the parties would have started early morning with children and King Harold leading the procession in Oslo. Smaller regional celebrations would be popping up all day with children very prominent in the fun. There were plenty of proud flag waving youngsters with beaming smiles in Los Cristianos and the Arona Municipal Band led the parade with some well practiced Norwegian tunes. It was a fairly short circuit around the block by the old beach, up to the church plaza, and back down to the church but they got a warm welcome from holiday makers, cafes, and restaurants, everyone loves a party in Tenerife.

I love the mix of cultures in Tenerife, the Canarian church also hosts Polish services and German organ recitals. Even as the parade returned to their Scandinavian church for a meal, at the cultural centre just up the road they were gearing up for a Russian comedy night. There was a lot more celebrating to do though for the representatives of the 800 Norwegians in the province of Santa Cruz (Tenerife, La Gomera, La Palma, El Hierro) and another gathering was taking place in Gran Canaria.

Working the celebrity line up I bowed slightly upon meeting Charles Darwin, George Bernard Shaw, Winston Churchill, Jules Verne, and King George V. They had nothing to say for themselves but that was hardly surprising as they were plaques on 60 new tombstone shaped monuments at Santa Cruz marina.

The great and the good have all popped into Tenerife over the years, I knew of some like Agatha Christie who is honoured with a bust at La Paz in Puerto de la Cruz to recognize her stay when writing a short story. Leslie Charteris is another famous crime writer who called in, he penned a tale about Simon Templar chasing jewel smugglers through the Canary Islands, maybe with the upcoming TV revival of The Saint that yarn may yet be filmed. There were many surprises among the 24 Brits and 3 Irish figures from history immortalized in stone just a ferry hooter away from the shopping heart of Santa Cruz, each features a small biography in Spanish and English including the dates they passed through Tenerife.

There’s a lot going on at the portside and it looks smarter with every visit I make. The new cruise ship reception centre on the inland side is growing quickly and will be a classy addition. As it stands now cruise ships moor over the far side and disembarking passengers have a long wait for shuttle buses to the city centre and beyond to tourist attractions. The new centre will fast track visitors through and a new green covered ramp nearer the marina gives a short cut to Plaza de España for walking shoppers. Some of the older, rusty ships that have been hanging around since the dawn of time have been moved to the far flung corners of the port near the oil platforms awaiting a spruce up, and others removed to give a less cluttered look to the place.

Was I being stalked? The Spanish Navy ship Cazadora was in port, the day before it had been moored off Los Cristianos. I tried to blag my way onboard but was met with stony indifference, hardly surprising as it turns out, they were on a drug busting mission and had seized 800 kilos of synthetic drugs from a yacht. One of my main missions was to check out the new monuments, and I was mightily impressed. Well researched and informative they help to evoke the sense of history surrounding this important stop over on old trading routes. Who would have thought Robert Baden Powell, founder of the Scout movement would be rubbing cement shoulders with author Graham Greene, and William Bligh of Mutiny on the Bounty.

Some of the revolutionary figures were reminders of violent struggles from the past, I was going to check out another testament to civil unrest. Yes I was about to be detained by the Spanish National Police, or at least their exhibition, The Victory Of Freedom, showing at the Circulo de Bellas Artes in Calle Castillo, the main shopping street. This looked back almost 50 years to the police fight against terrorism, in particular ETA, the Basque movement. The AUNAV bomb disposal robot in the entrance hall drew some strange glances from passers by, but many curious people were lured inside to the free exhibition to see more.

The first Policia Nacional terrorist death was in 1968 when a chief inspector was killed. Just inside one of the early brown uniformed dummies held a Astra 960 revolver but further inside there were also video and written news reports plus victim testimonies, much of it in English as well as Spanish. One of the most infamous displays was the GEO sniper rifle that was used in the aborted assassination attempt on King Juan Carlos by ETA in 1977, this was in a glass case. A Russian grenade launcher made another menacing sight, also encased,, complete with remote control explosive devices. All this may sound a bit gruesome but it is an important part of history, maybe the recent nature of the exhibits are what make some people squeamish but a few yards down towards the port the famous Tigre canon that helped to repel Nelson, is on display, an equally deadly weapon as its modern ancestors. It was certainly a different exhibition and well put together, history has lots of lessons to teach us in Santa Cruz.

Being an advisor, instructor, and pathfinder for ex pats abroad must be a right royal pain at times but William Middleton takes it in his stride, even with 17 countries to oversee. The British Consul Regional Director for South Europe is quite a title to carry but fitting in a stop off at Adeje Cultural Centre (below) , William was relaxed and informal as he met some of the bloggers, journalists, and community leaders of Tenerife South.

With less than two weeks until the online voting deadline for Brits abroad in the In or Out EU referendum, life after 23 June was a hot topic. So why have no clear plans been announced for a possible life outside. “The truth is no one knows what will happen if Britain chooses to leave, its uncharted waters, there is no provision for a country leaving in the treaty. So much would depend on the attitude of the other 27 states, but one thing is sure, nothing will change overnight.”

Good news for those fearing a Millennium Bug type meltdown (you know, the one that never happened). In the meantime the British Consul is relying on the priorities that underline the consulate service on all other issues. “ Prevention is a great thing and we like to remind people that registering on the local council pardon brings so many advantages financially, as well as building safeguards against any future health and age problems that may arise. Helping the most vulnerable is our aim, sadly many people only think of us in times of dire need but we have so much easily available information that can smooth people’s everyday lives.”

Reaching out to communities is a big aim of the British Consul, in this computer literate age, accessing information and filling in forms can be done at the touch of a screen. This answered one of the concerns about the British Consul in Tenerife being based in Santa Cruz (Mary Suarez and Helen Keating made the short trip down to Adeje) with no part time southern office these days. William’s kingdom covers 37 posts and 130 staff so he has plenty of experience of spreading himself thinly. Based in Madrid, he clocked up 130 flights in three years, and managed calls at three different Balkan countries in one day. The South Europe region stretches from Portugal to Turkey.

William, originally from Oxfordshire, started out as a business journalist with The Times but has now 14 years under his belt in the British Consul service. When he left for further meetings in Tenerife I had a browse through the wealth of information on courses and events in the Adeje Cultural Centre, with an inexpensive café and auditorium on site it’s a great example of a wide ranging resource for all nationalities. On a beautiful clear day the flower cross on the church was still impressive a few days on from Dia de la Cruz and the view over Adeje down to the coast was inspiring. The cockerel on the weather vane could see for miles, but the British Consul Regional Director for South Europe has even further horizons to keep an eye on.