After 3 weeks of people asking me what that old ship is, moored up at Los Cristianos, I thought I better find out. No it’s not Roman Abramovich’s bath tub plaything, it’s the Lyubov Orlova, a Russian cruise ship, built in Yugoslavia in 1976, registered in Malta and specialising in trips from Argentina to Antarctica. Is that bizarre enough for you!

It may not look like much, but it has 4 decks and a bridge, and can carry 110 passengers at a top speed of 12 knots. Quite why it has stopped off here, I don’t know, the next cruise isn’t until November, when it will sail from Ushuaia, Argentina to Anvers Island in Antartica and back, a round trip of 1,700 nautical miles. The voyage lasts 11 days and the cost depends on what standard of accomodation you want, but starts at 3,500 dollars.

Maybe the crew came to Tenerife to get some sun and have now melted away, although I did see a few people working on deck through the lens of my camera. I didn’t think Russians liked Antartica, brings back memories of Lenin and that ice pick that did for him. Maybe they have come to liberate a few of the inmates at Planet Penquin in Loro Parque, but they always seem so happy there, so they would probably tell them to ppppp pick on someone else.

For the record, the name, Lyubov Orlova, refers to the first big screen star of Russia, she was a sort of early Marilyn Monroe, for the wild sex scenes she would undo one button on her trench coat – pretty risky stuff in Russia. An old Russian cruise ship, headed for the Antarctic,with lots of adventurous young people on board, sounds like the premise for a Ealing comedy – Carry On Comrade!

Speak as you find, well I try to, but first you have to find, so after an extra early swim, I headed westward, with Guia de Isora, the village, as my first stop. Barely an hour on the 417 Titsa bus from Los Cristianos, and there I was up in the hills, at a village that hadn’t seen my knobbly knees in at least 5 years.

My prime target was the town hall, but following the main road along I didn’t recognise any tell tale landmarks. Â The view out to the sea in the distance and Playa San Juan just before it was impressive, but it took a coffee stop at a small bar to nudge me up one street level to the main church square, part shrouded in shade, and into the town hall.

I had hoped to view the plans for the proposed new port at Fonsalia, but even after being redirected to the technical office, I was told they were not on public display and the architect had popped out for 10 minutes (that’s Canarian for a couple of hours) so with not much time to spare, I headed back to the main road. The port has been suggested for about 10 years, and will probably drag on for at least as long again.

It’s clear the Socialist (PSOE party) council of Guia de Isora has splashed a bit of money, there is a new auditorium and cultural centre, although both were closed, and the footings of a new youth centre, but some of the narrow and patchwork pavements suggest more work ahead to bring it up to scratch. The bus station is new, and the 493 bus arrived spot on time for the 20 minute drop to the coast.

The tight winding road down through Tijina and Piedra Hincada passed fields of heavily loaded tomato plants and cacti in full bloom, thriving despite the less than half full resevoirs. Safely dropped in Playa San Juan, I headed for the new look beach, just nearing completion on my last trip (Posted March 20Â ) 6 weeks ago. Formerley covered in large stones, they were ground down to give a dark shingle type surface, which has caused an outcry from opponents who wanted a yellow sand beach. Also many sources have said that the covering has already been washed away by the tide, in fact, it is only a band along the shore line, and a similar thing happened on Las Galletas beach.Â

The promenade has been opened since my last visit and the striped changing huts are in use, all giving a vastly improved appearance. Beaches are a very contentious issue in Tenerife, black volcanic sand is the norm but there is always a clamour for smooth yellow sand and no rocks. In Los Cristianos they have just started work on cleaning the old beach, with suggestions that they will move tons of sand onto the wild and natural Los Tarajales beach. That seems unlikely with many bigger issues still not resolved (Posted March 24) Â on the wilder beach, such as drainage outlets and old shacks that go against the strict new outlook on the coastal law.

The wider area of Guia de Isora is undergoing big changes as tourism takes on a bigger role, and there is a delicate balance to be maintained. One thing is for sure, they wont be able to keep everyone happy.

Welcome to Film 84 – all right I admit it, i’m not Barry Norman (and why not!) although after a good night on the Dorada, I often have more bags under my eyes than they’ve lost at Heathrow. Film fever is about to hit the Canary Islands and the lookie lookie men are rubbing their hands at the prospect of knocking out loads of pristine copies of locally filmed releases.

Remember Papillon, the 1973 classic starring Dustin Hoffman and Steve McQueen? A 90 million dollar remake is being planned with much of the action set in the Canaries. Papillon, it’s French for butterfly, was based on the true story of Henri Charriere, who was sent to an African penal colony in French Guiana, for a crime he claims he did not commit. It’s a brutal but uplifting story of one mans refusal to let his spirit be broken, I have vague recollections of seeing it on television many years ago. Vicente Mora is being lined up as director by the Canarian company behind the film, more details are due out soon, watch this space.

For more immediate film action, look to Lanzarote, where Penelope Cruz is over in a few weeks to make her new movie Las Abrazos Rotos (the broken embraces) with director and mentor Pedro Almodovar. Last weekend auditions for extras were held in Costa Teguise and filming will take place in Famara, El Golfo volcanic bowl and at the hospital in Arrecife, the capital.

Everything has gone quiet recently over the plans to build a massive film studio in Guaza, in the south of Tenerife, but the company financing it have some serious money and hopefully there will be some lights, music and action fairly soon.

Don’t ask me too much about tennis, i’m no expert, but even I am excited at the thought of the Davis Cup semi final between Spain and the U.S.A being played in Playa de las Americas. It’s a long shot but Arona council have put in a bid to stage the event from September 19 to 21 at the Olympic stadium, between the golf course and the Green Clinic hospital.

The Spanish tennis federation are due to have a look at the Tenerife venue next week, the picture above is an old one, the left hand side seating is covered these days, and although it is a football stadium surrounded by an athletics track, plans have been drawn up to install a court and seating for 14,700 fans. It will have to be marked out but I believe it is fairly easy to sniff out some white lines in Las Americas.Â

Just imagine the likes of David Ferrer, Andy Roddick, and the best player in the world, Rafael Nadal gracing Tenerife with their skills. My mate Andy from football, has the Royal Oak bar just down the road, so he would have to stock up on Robinsons Barley Water to keep the players happy.

There are three other bids in to stage the Davis Cup, and they are from Madrid, Gijon and Benidorm, but maybe Tenerife has an ace up its sleeve. Emilio Sanchez Vicaro, the former doubles great, is now non playing Captain of the Spain team, and 2 weeks ago he played over here in the Abama Senior Cup for veteran players. Hopefully a few good words were whispered in his ear.

Fingers crossed for the bid, it would be quite a coup for Tenerife, and I can always cling to the hope that the BBC might send Sue Barker over to cover the event.

Phew, it’s going to be a hot weekend, a Calima has blown in and cranked up the temperatures. For the unfamiliar, a Calima is when the dust and sand from the African deserts blows across giving a greenhouse effect, it gets hot humid and sticky for a few days and the visibility is reduced.

This photo was taken of a previous Calima, the Canary Islands are to the bottom of the white swirl and just above on it’s own is Madeira, I think, but don’t bet your house on my poor geography. A few years ago we had an added bonus with a Calima, a swarm of locusts came across on the sand, they were fine, I reckon the bible gave them some bad press, most of them just sat around on balconies, well locusts need a holiday too.

I went to the beach this afternoon for my swim and the air temperature on the digital readouts was 36 centigrade. Going down to the sea felt like being sand papered, what do you mean how do I know what that feels like, Heather Mills told me. Walking back up the hill it was like standing in front of Sir Alex Ferguson as he has one of his half time rants. Even now at 7pm in the evening, if I walk out onto my balcony, it’s like walking into a wall of heat. And you think we have it easy out here!

Laying on the shingle beach at Las Galletas the other day when I heard a familiar sound that reminded me of something I wanted to mention on here. Have you ever heard a distinctive high pitched whistle here in Tenerife? It’s a long shrill sound that tapers off with a flourish and repeats several times, usually in the morning.

It’s not some rare breed of metal bird, just the sound of an old tradition that lives on. It’s a knife sharpening service sold by old men who travel round, usually on a pushbike but some now use a motorcycle,  sounding their whistle to attract custom. When they park up they either use the motor or the pedals to power a grinding machine fixed to the back of the bike.

They are often heard but seldom seen, I spotted this chap in the photo, in Puerto de la Cruz, there is also one operating near me in Los Cristianos. When I worked out of The Tenerife Sun office in Alcala, there was a sharpener there, how quaint I thought, this man of simple means, keping this old tradition alive in a cynical commercial world. Thinking it would make a nice little story, I asked him if I could take a photo for the paper and ask him a few questions, he said yes but it would cost 30 euros, obviously not quite as innocent in the ways of the world as I thought. I declined his offer and passed his number on to Hello magazine, they like to pay for exclusives.

Still, it is good to see these old crafts surviving, I should imagine a lot of small restaurants and bars find the service very useful, and a lot easier than a trip to the nearest ferreteria.

Sat at a beach bar with a cold drink, that’s the way to spend a hot Tenerife day, but for those seeking to push themselves to the limit, the triathlon was invented. Yesterday saw the first Costa Adeje triathlon and although the sun was red hot, the sea was very lively.

As the swimmers gathered on Chiringuito beach in La Caleta, the beach bar and sun loungers were full and to the east, kite surfers were colourful proof of the strong swirling wind. Small boats, jet skis and canoes took their positions out at sea just inside the inflatable marker bouys, as the triathletes filed through the shower arch and picked their way down the steep large stoned bank to the shore. Setting off in groups of around 50 at a time, the men, women and children, tried to time their entry into the sea between large rolling waves.

This 750 metre swim was just the start, and after clambering back out, the 200 competitors had to run up off the beach to the compound where the bikes were racked up. Peeling off the rubber wet suits, to reveal shorts and vests underneath, they had to negotiate their way into their trainers and scoot the bikes to the line before jumping on and peddling off for a 20 km ride.

By now the field was stretching out a little, sweeping up a hairpin hill turn, some were relaxed and smiling at the gathered crowds, some cut inside their rivals and some just focused straight ahead. A few laps later, they swept back into the compound, dismounted and started the last phase, the 5 km run. As they left the compound, children offered up cups of cold water, some gulped them down but many just tipped them over their sun drenched heads.

I was in the fortunate position to be able to admire the wonderful setting of La Caleta and the polished organisation of the race. Technology does help, with electronic tags on their ankles being read as they passed the start finish point. But all the technology in the world can’t compete with the sheer drive and determination these athletes have to show to keep themselves going. Back markers could be heard groaning, shouting and screaming out loud, mentally whipping themselves to find new reserves of energy.

A lack of pre event advertising , kept the watching crowds down to like minded enthusiasts, friends, family and local holiday makers. This is set to become an annual event so hopefully in future years the crowds will grow, these incredible athletes deserve to be appreciated, cajolled and cheered all the way to the finish line. As far as I am concerned all the entrants were winners but Mustapha Akoudad was first to finish after 1 hour 11 minutes and 35 seconds, with Patricia Diaz, twice Spañish under 23 triathlon champion, a close second on 1.22.23.

As the early finishers grabbed much needed cold drinks, handshakes and hugs, they spared time to encourage the other competitors who were simply trying to finish and beat their own demanding standards. Trophies weighed down the presentation table as glass awards were given in several categories. Many of the competitors will move on to more triathlons during the summer, and all of them will be nursing aching muscles today. Big respect to every last one of them, what a great addition to Tenerife’s summer sporting calender.Â

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Heading for the Costa Adeje triathlon at La Caleta, I thought I would try out the new 488 Titsa bus route between Reina Sofia south airport and La Caleta. For those who have not heard the sorry saga that unfolded since it’s launch last Saturday, I will get you seething with indignation as I recap on the scandalous events.

The Titsa bus company is owned and run by the Tenerife Cabildo (government) and as part of their attempt to show, our dwindling tourists, how user friendly the island is, they came up with this cracking idea of a new bus route with buses every hour or better and 48 stops between the airport and La Caleta, The route was to serve the main tourist hotels of Los Cristianos, Playa de las Americas, Fañabe, Torviscas, Costa Adeje and La Caleta all for a flat rate of 5 euros.

The scene was set with new stops, glossy colour leaflets and even staff to point visitors in the right direction at the airport. Take a bow Tenerife Cabildo, a wonderful and helpful idea, but here come the bad guys, the Tenerife taxi drivers. Seeing their income under attack, they were up in arms and threatened to strike, of course they weren’t gonna be happy, but that’s business, they could always lower their rather high prices. The taxi drivers seem to be able to apply incredible political pressure, and the Cabildo caved in like an England batting line up and agreed to reduce the 48 stops to just 7.

Anyway I tried the bus today, getting on in Los Cristianos, thinking that less stops would make it an express service and cheaper -WRONG. The 5 euro flat fare applies no matter where you get on or off and although I paid with a Bono ticket, there was no saving on the price, as there is on all other buses and even the Santa Cruz tram. There were only 2 of us passengers on the bus, me and an empty packet of crisps, and I suspect it didn’t pay. We still went all round the hotels, but didn’t stop, and the trip took over half an hour, so you can make that an hour from the airport.

The AeroBus is different from the other Titsa buses, it has less seats, 34, I had plenty of time to count, instead it has loads of open baggage space inside and also seems to have very little suspension, in fact it reminded me of those shuttle buses that run from the airport terminal to the plane.

I have seen the AeroBus go through Los Cristianos in the week and it never has more than 2 passengers on it, maybe they are lost souls, doomed to travel forever on this ghost bus. Since the bus was hamstringed in mid week, all the leaflets have been withdrawn and the new stops changed, so passengers have no idea of the timetable anyway, and the displayed destination, La Caleta is not an overly familiar name to anyone coming through at the airport. The leaflet also showed changes to other routes including airport stops for the night service of the 111 Santa Cruz to Las Americas bus and several airport night stops on the AeroBus timetable, I assume these have now been scrapped.

So as the AeroBus drives off into the sunset, empty and unloved, we raise our glasses to those wonderfully caring taxi drivers and ask them, just when did we elect them to run the Tenerife  government.

What a story I couldn’t stop chuckling when I read this in todays Canarian papers, although their headline was a but more mundane.

Basically, when you are sunbathing on the beach, blokes come round with big trays of “fresh” doughnuts trying to flog them. All beach sales are illegal and the Arona Policia Local are cracking down on scams at the moment. Yesterday they raided the doughnut factory, a small premises in Veronicas, Las Americas, thought to have Finnish owners. One Moroccan worker was arrested amid hygiene conditions described as deplorable. The article failed to tell us what the gentleman was using to make the holes in the doughnuts, so I will leave that to your imagination. Maybe people will think twice now about buying these tasty beach offerings.

The last bullfight took place in Santa Cruz on December 18th 1983, but since then the only raging going on has been in the ongoing row between developers of the site and those who want to preserve the historic building.

Plaza de Torros is just to the east of the La Paz tram stop, and where two other famous warriers lock horns, though only in terms of street names. The main road is Rambla del General Franco, and Calle Horacio Nelson joins it from around the back of the bullring where the Disco Triboo is still open for business. That’s also the status for the El Buradero bar/restaurant at the front, there was a flurry of press activity recently suggesting that the business’s had been given a mid March deadline to get out, for demolition work to finally begin. Kike, husband of the El Buradero owner, laughed when I reminded him of this, his wife Teresa had only bought the place last May and it is flourishing.

Alicur property company owns 80 % of the bullring and it was claimed they had plans to replace it with four new blocks, one commercial and the others housing, but the latest suggestion is that they are looking for ideas from a panel of experts in commerce and development.

Outside, the small leafy terrace of El Burladero, hardly prepares you for the cosy and intimate restaurant inside that wraps around the inner curve of the building, and is adorned with posters from old fights that took place just a few yards away.

My interest must have impressed Kike (or he thought I looked like a losing matador, gored, chewed and spat out) he got the keys and took me through to the bullring itself. I was expecting a cascade of cockroaches to fall through the door and to have to wade knee deep in rubbish, but it was in surprisingly good nick, even the chandeliers were hanging in the entrance way, and the tunnels where the bulls charged out were clear.

It must have been an imposing sight full up but bullfights stopped in 1983 when they were banned in all the Canary Islands, and since then the auditorium has staged many events like Canarian wrestling, boxing and Carnaval pageants, even soul legend James Brown got down there, feeling good, well he knew that he would, but it has been allowed to fall into disrepair as the arguments roll on.

Kike remembers the heady Saturday nights of regular bullfights with 8,000 packed crowds and sighed as he surveyed the forlorn scene now. The stage is still visible and the raised central pavilion stands proud, although you wouldn’t want to climb it. Whatever you think of bullfighting, it was a big part of Santa Cruz culture and it would be nice to see this iconic building restored and put to good use.

There are just memories left behind, no ghosts, but when you slice into one of El Buraderos juicy steaks, you could be forgiven for hearing the stamping of hoofs and the snort of fiery nostrils.