You don’t have to go up north in Tenerife to see great art, Los Cristianos cultural centre always has an exhibition of paintings hung around the walls, it’s FREE to stroll round, and the offerings range from professionals to keen local amateurs.

Jose Palomares adorns the walls at the moment, and will do so until 25 September, originally from Jaen in mainland Spain, he moved to Tenerife in 1990, and had already built a strong reputation as a portrait and landscape painter. A keen sports fan, he painted a portrait of Manchester United when only 16, and can count Sir Alex Ferguson and Ryan Giggs among his subjects.

Walking around the cultural centre, the classic scenes of Tenerife catch the eye with their brightness and clarity, but just around the corner you suddenly find visions of Englands best and worst footballing moments, and a young Denis Law savouring one of his many awards.

There are 23 paintings on display, but if these just whet your appetite, have a look at his website and see the range and quality of his work.

You can’t please everyone, do you let nature take its course, or give it a little nudge in the direction you want? Councils all around the coast of Tenerife constantly face this problem, some 18 months ago Guia de Isora council revamped Playa San Juan beach, adding new sand, walkway, seating and kiosks. The sand at the shore was soon eroded and various recriminations were made, so on a trip to Los Gigantes, I broke the journey to see how things had settled.

The hourly 477 direct bus to Los Gigantes makes the west coast much quicker and easier to reach, hopping off in Playa San Juan I headed for the beach and was pleasantly surprised. Like a stubborn receeding hairline, the exposed shingle had not spread back any further than the crescent closest to the water, and the more recent stylish wooden beach chairs, and the candy striped changing booths gave it a nice overall look. The walkway at the back of the beach is wide and sturdy, leading to the rebuilt kiln and a winding concrete pathway up to a nice coastal walk. Retreating back to boardwalk and the restaurants and bars, it was pretty quiet, so I pulled up a coffee and paper facing the open sea on the other side of the quayside. Playa San Juan has a nice mix of ex pats and Canarians, not a wild night out resort, but always nice to visit.

 Back on the bus, I was soon in Los Gigantes, sedate at the best of times, but very quiet now the tourists have taken their children back to school. My visiting friends Martin and Vicki were waiting in Offshore 44 at the marina front, a nice place to pass a few hours as the boats bobbed up and down in the harbour. We took off for a walk through Crab Island and up over the mirador into lower Puerto Santiago, a lot of recent development there has revitalised it commercially, just need some visitors in numbers now. Coastal paths are very much in these days in Tenerife, full marks to the councils for improving them, this one led around to Playa Santiago, decked out nicely from the weekends Fiesta Chica. The Virgen del Carmen now resides in an old boat house just near the small black beach, she is always at the centre of the fireworks and other celebrations.

Emerging at the top of the steep ramp, we popped into El Patio bar, recently demolished and rebuilt, I spent quite a few hours glued to the bar there when I lived just up the road. It was good to see a few old friends, many waving as they drove by, even the old Canarian gents on the benches greeted me with their usual good natured banter about CD Tenerife. The Fishermans Museum opposite still makes heads turn with it’s fishing mural all over the facade, complete with statues on the roof, local based French artist Bernard Romain must be proud to see his work stand the test of time and weather so well. Soon it was time to head back south on the trusty TITSA, I’m sure I will be back soon, hopefully to see more visitors enjoying western charms.

Bright, modern and eye catching, that just about sums up TEA-Tenerife Espacio de las Artes, in Santa Cruz, but until October 4, there’s a multi coloured marine welcome in the form of 13 whale sculptures from the Loro Parque Foundation. When all their friends are present, there are 18 of these 2.5 metre high acrylic works, made by 13 different Canarian artists in an attempt to highlight the threat to cetaceans in the oceans of the world.

Expo Orca has brought together some of the brightest talents in the Canary Islands art scene and the results are visually stunning. The quartet at the top of this post collectively depict the 4 basic elements of life, fire, water, air and earth, all the work of Pepe Damaso, from Gran Canaria.

Make the most of the Orcas in their TEA setting, they move on after October 4 but will be popping up at both Tenerife airports, Los Rodeos in the north and Reina Sofia in the  south, before heading out to Gando airport in Gran Canaria.

A stuffed donkey, a blood covered woman rolling in feathers, and a humming bird in a trance, there’s only one place I could be. TEA (Tenerife Espacio de las Artes) , the wonderful and sometimes downright weird art and culture gallery in Santa Cruz. This was my 4th visit since they opened barely a year ago, it’s always a real treat for all the senses, and depending on your viewpoint, challenging or baffling.

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The exhibitions change and overlap, I started in Sala A where The Collection, the best works of La Laguna’s famous artist, Oscar Dominguez, and Written Portrait, a collection of sketches and photos by Patti Smith, are both finishing on September 6. A brief brush up, reminded me how vibrant Oscar’s slightly surreal works were but as a fan of Patti Smith the leader of the 70’s New York punk scene, I was keen to see her other talents. To be blunt , the sketches looked like a childs scribble, and the polaroids were pretty ordinary, a few too many rock and roll Woodbines over the years for Patti I feel. Tucked just inside Sala A is Area 60, a small room reserved for experimental performance and active art, the latest being Impasse by Beatriz Lecuona and Oscar Hernandez, which I just missed “going off” at 1pm, it also does its thing at Noon, 5pm, 6pm and 7pm, more of that later.

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The main Sanata Cruz library (above) now resides at TEA, in a bright modern setting with loads of work spaces for students to study, there is also a cinema that shows international films of note in their original language, normally 4 euros, seperate or extra to the main admission prices. Sala B was calling, offering Mexico, Expected/Unexpected, and this is where it got very strange. This collection from Isabel and Agustin Coppel sprawls through several rooms, starting with displays of shovels and a forest of scrap metal, representing the hard labour the poor people of Mexico were made to endure to raid the country’s natural wealth for rich exploiters.

Then I turned a corner, and saw such an ass, no not a mirror, an actual stuffed donkey sat in a corner, looking fairly relaxed considering what had happened to it. The surprises came thick and fast now, a video of a Humming Bird,enticed into a trance – possibly one of Paul McKennas tricks, and a video room showed a young naked Cuban lady empty a jug of blood over herself at the edge of a lake, before rolling in a pile of white feathers. A bit further, another video area showed a tug of war with men pulling a white Volkswagen in several directions as a band played a cover of Moby Dick by Led Zepplin – are you confused yet, I was.

Sala C was pretty tame in comparison, Mi Colecion de Vidas by Alexis W, head and shoulder photos of the artist and friends, set against a black background, quite haunting. I adjourned at this point back into the outside world for food and drink as I digested all I had seen. One last pleasure drew me back for 5pm, Impasse was due to blow. A large “fireplace” for want of a better word, stood against a white wall, the staff, who again outnumbered the visitors, were as fascinated as I was as a rumbling sound was followed by a cascade of black plastic paint, which went on for around 5 minutes, strangely hypnotic. My suggestion to the staff, that the paint could be replaced with chocolate or Dorada got a chuckle and little resistance.

I may sound a bit cynical, but TEA is a firm favourite with me, always fun, interesting and different, I just wish more people would visit it. TEA is open from 10am to 8pm Tuesday to Sunday, entrance is 5 euros for adults, 2.50 euros for residents, one euro for over 65’s and under 26’s and FREE for under 12’s. Check out the website and pop in soon, you would be an ass to miss it.

Saddles so sharp they could do you a mischief, and not a bell or saddlebag in sight. The 100 plus cyclists from 14 teams, came bombing down Funchal and into the heart of Los Cristianos this afternoon, to complete stage 3 of this years Vuelta Ciclista of Tenerife. Police had sealed off several roads but with little advance publicity, crowds were sparse, and drivers were irritated at having to move from their usual parking places.

I tried to guess the arrival time but made a schoolboy error, calculating how long it would take from the start point of Candelaria up on the east coast. A check of the 95.3 km route showed that they only hugged the coast until forsaking the TF 28 at San Isidro to make the uphill climb to San Miguel, and a downhill finish through Valle San Lorenzo and back on the TF 28 at the Guaza roundabout.

Los Cristianos centre was well snarled up by the time the peleton (pack) came in sight, there were no advance posters and the excellent free glossy colour guide book, only appeared at the Cultural Centre on the morning of the stage. The stage and podium were ready in the car park, converted for this weekends Virgen del Carmen fiesta but it seemed forever until the support vehicles arrived, screaming downhill with sirens blazing, followed by the lycra flash of the leaders, now I know why the pot holes have recently been filled in by the traffic lights.

Sweeping into the car park, sorry showground, the sweaty sportsmen got a good reception and grabbed cold drinks as the prize giving was prepared.In true Tour style, there were 7 different coloured jerseys to be awarded in various categories, bunches of flowers, and smiling sponsors, but no sign of champers, well there were still 2 more stages to go. The yellow jersey was retained from the previous day by Spains Jose Belda for the CCN Valencia team, something of a veteran at 34 but showing the others a clean pair of pedals.

Tomorrow (Saturday) the action switches to El Sauzal (noon) for the longest stage, 101 kms to Santiago del Teide on the west coast, and then the climax is on Sunday, split into 2 stages, from Santa Cruz (9am) to San Andres and back, followed by a 45 km round trip of La Laguna, leaving Camino de La Rua at 5pm and ending in Plaza del Cristo. Good luck to them all, and lets hope for no punctures.

Damm those pesky Pios, you just can’t trust them, their inferiority complex has led Gran Canaria tourist bosses to launch a visitor recruitment drive here in Tenerife. Valencia and Spain footballer David Villa appers in a promotional video for Gran Canaria, that is being shown in Santa Cruz and La Laguna, with the object of enticing people to try the dubious attractions of Pio land.

Silva is from Arguineguin in the south of Gran Canaria, and on the video he is seen strolling through the sand dunes of nearby Maspalomas, trying to make the giant sand pit look attractive. The whole sordid promotion is the latest in a long running sore between the 2 islands, that stretches back into history. In their defence for this promotion, the Pios would say that Tenerife fired the first salvo in this latest skirmish, handing out promotional material on the front at their Las Canteras beach in Las Palmas a few months ago, to tempt visitors over from them to Tenerife – we of course see that as a humanitarian rescue mission.

Tenerife and Gran Canaria head the 2 provinces that split the 7 Canary Islands for administration purposes, Tenerife province also includes La Gomera, La Palma, and El Hiero. Arguments have raged between the island rivals for years, and not just over football, everything from funding and status of the rival universites to beer have caused a polite exchange of views. CCC beer company have plants on both islands producing their range of beers but Tropical is seen as a Pio beer, whilst Dorada is proudly consumed by the Tenerife faithful.

 So prepare to repel the Pio overtures, drink your Dorada with pride and salute the Tenerife flag, bow down and worship Mount Teide and hang your Oscar Dominguez paintings on every wall. Maybe we should compose a new Tenerife anthem, I have always thought that Fog On the Tyne could be easily adapted, sing along  “the snow on Teide’s all mine all mine, the snow on Teide’s all mine…” Ooh i’m filling up.

You always want your team to win the opening game of the season, even more so when the opposition has Telefonica emblazoned on their shirts, but CD Tenerife and their fans learnt the first of many lessons this season, losing 1-0 at Real Zaragoza. Tenerife should have got at least a share of the points, but at La Liga level mistakes are going to be punished, and missed chances will prove costly.

Zaragoza spent heavily in the summer, but it was a free transfer that was most familiar to British fans, Jermaine Pennant, formerly of Liverpool took his place on the right wing and made some telling early crosses. Alfaro had the best chance after 7 minutes, flashing a shot wide of the home post before Zaragoza took control for a big part of the first half. Sergio Aragonoses was as always in great form in goal, making some strong goal line blocks when the home side broke through.

Tenerife grew in stature and pinned Zaragoza back, Richi saw his header go over the bar, and Nino (above)Â and Alfaro both had the goal at their mercy towards the end of the half. The second half was a tale of more mised chances for CDT, Omar made his senior debut and unleashed a fierce shot that wasn’t far wide of the goal, great to see him in action and what a boost to his confidence to see that the coach is confident to give him decent time on the pitch-

Sergio had to be at his best to deny Ponzo and at the other end Alfaro missed a gilt edged chance, the goal when it came was down to a defensive scramble by Tenerife. Sergio made a good save but the defence fasiled to clear the ball and Arizmendi pounced to give Zaragoza a lead they barely deserved. Coach Oltra stuck to his attacking instincts and brought on Angel and Saizar but there was to be no equaliser despite some late chances. Tenerife really should have got something out of this game but shouldn’t be downhearted, they will get sharper and wiser as the season goes on, an extra defender before the transfer window shuts on Monday night would be nice as well.

Taking to the water once a year can become a big challenge for some people, personally I always face my annual bath with great resolve, but Jose Brito and Miguel Cruz like to make sure that their Tenerife ripples benefit as many as possible. Just a year after a 10 day 250 km swim around the coast of Tenerife, the old sea horses are back with a new challenge, a 24 hour swim around the bay of Los Cristianos.

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Next Saturday, Septermber 5, at 5pm they will set off from the old harbour to swim across the bay to the Costamar Apartments, and will continue to zap back and forth before finishing on Sunday, again at 5pm. The 2 dedicated swimmers are taking on this challenge to raise awareness of the dangers facing the local coastlines, and they will find plenty to test them in this particular stretch of water. Playa de Los Cristianos is usually busy with sunbathers, the bathing area soon gives way to a selection of pleasure boats moored up, and in some cases abandoned, then it’s just a short splash to the entry and departure point of the Fred Olsen and Armas ferries.

Jose and Miguel are allowed just 90 minutes break from swimming during the 24 hours, taken in short snatches to eat and drink. It’s a good job they both have strong swimming pedigrees. Jose was busy in 2004, swimming from Lanzarote to Fuerteventura, and later from San Sebastian, La Gomera to Los Cristianos. Miguel is no slouch either, three times he won the 800 metres freestyle in the Spanish championships, and was in the World’s top ten for the 1,500 metres.

Good luck to the pair of them, the event is being heavily promoted by Arona council, so try to get down to the old beach to give them a rousing send off and a huge welcome back.

It seemed a long way from last seasons euphoric home games as a paltry 3,800 turned up for the only friendly in the Heliodoro , Santa Cruz, against Nijmegen of the Dutch Premier League. CD Tenerife did their best to raise some cheer with a 2-0 win that barely reflected their dominance, but the wide open spaces and chants against the club president told their own story – the fans are not happy.

The decision to charge 10 euros towards the La Palma fire appeal went against all tradition across Spain for the official presentation game, normally they are Free for season ticket holders. We took our places in the Grada Popular Baja, seats still in place, they should have been removed to allow standing by now, and the expanded press area up in the tribuna, a La Liga requirement, was just a bare concrete base, cleared in recent days, although the work should be completed by now. The team that took to the pitch included our 3 new signings but was still down on firepower compared to last season. Only a week to go to La Liga, and the club is ill prepared.

The game was much better fare, Nijmegen were very physical but skillful, CDT had to be at their best, and after 14 minutes Richi set up Nino who showed he is as sharp as ever, making it 1-0. The referee was pretty weak and missed some strong arm tactics from the Dutch, Nino got knocked to the ground and  no penalty was given, but Tenerife were good value for a half time lead. The new boys combined early in the second half with Bellvis putting the ball into the goal area, Roman Martinez had an easy tap in and that was game over for Nijmegen.

That’s 3 strong wins to close the pre season programme, lots of plus points from the players we have but against opponents below La liga strength. The new kits have been unveiled (above) and next Saturday the big test begins with an away trip to Real Zaragoza, kick off 9pm and live on La Sexta, hopefully we will have at least one more forward by then. It seems like the club directors will have us banging our heads against a brick wall all season – so we thought we would take some tips from some real headbangers. On the way back from Santa Cruz we stopped off at El Puertito, Guimar for the Goymar Fest, a rock and metal outdoor feast of bands like Zen, Hollow Core, Hybris and In Blood, good fun but black marks to the bar for running out of beer.

With La Liga fast approaching, CD Tenerife need as many positives as they can get from the pre season friendlies, this 5-0 win over UD Lanzarote, could easily have been a double figure win. Angel and Omar stole the show combining well up front and tearing the Lanzarote defence to shreds.

The most difficult thing about the whole evening was finding a bar, 2 cars of Armada Sur drove up and eventually found the ground at the remote edge of La Laguna, then thanks to missleading directions from locals, we did a wide circular sweep of some dead end roads before ending back where we started. Striking out in another direction, we soon found some of our friends from the Frente Blanquiazul and knew a bar must be nearby. The area we headed into was the Urbanization Espirides, a mix of large grand houses and and small rough roads, eventually we found Bar Goya and lubricated the voices. There were a few strange regulars at the bar, one who looked like Neptune after a very rough night, and another arrived in a ramshackle old car covered in dents and scratches, after parking up the driver nearly fell out and got through 3 large glasses of wine before falling back into the car and driving off – maybe he was the local mayor?

Anyway back to the ground, as the watery sun dissapeared behind large grey swathes of cloud sweeping in to make it distinctly chilly. A flat rate 5 euros entry was good value, the stadium looked well worn and had an athletics track and long jump pits at the side. We had hardly settled when Angel latched onto an Alonso cross and gave CDT a first minute lead, to set the tone for the game. Lanzarote had little to offer, having just scraped a sidse together after avoiding another financial meltdown.

Ayoze set up Angel for a second after 17 minutes, and the speedy firecracker Omar made it 3 on the half hour with a great finish. During the half time break, we met up with Ian Lane a Brit who does the merchandising for Lanzarote, I met him on a weeks trip over ther 18 months ago, when i took in a game. The Reds were staying in Puerto de la Cruz overnight, and exchanging views, just confirmed that both clubs directors are hard to deal with and very resistant to change from outsiders.

Back to the game, and it was all one way traffic by now, the Lanzarote goalie performed heroics to keep the score down but Angel was on lethal form an added 2 more goals to ensure a comfortable win. Tenerife fans were in a subdued mood, reality beckons and the club have not come through with the promised new signings, young guns like Angel and Omar may well find themselves on a very steep learning curve against hardened La Liga players. This Saturdays presentation game against Nijmegen , back in Santa Cruz has become another cause of friction, traditionally this last showpiece friendly is free to season ticket holders, but it has now become 10 euros for all, with the money going to help the fire victims of La Palma. A commendable cause but imposing the donation on all the fans has not gone down well, add a general feeling that the euphoria of promotion has been partially lost, and the scene is set for possible storm clouds over Santa Cruz.