Long, long ago, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, before electronic games like Nintendo and XBox were invented, there was a kids game called Flightdeck. The aim was to land a plane on a small aircraft carrier deck using a joystick. Things have moved on a pace and most kids now have access to amazingly realistic games, but if you want to go one better, how about using real flight training simulators.

Granadilla has an annual event, where you can try out some of these hi tech machines within sound of Reins Sofia airport. Next Saturday and Sunday June 21 and 22 from 10 am at the Casa Cultural in San Isidro, it’s your turn to play at being a pilot. This is the fourth annual event, if you go to the website www.migranadilla.com you can see You Tube footage of previous events. Apparently to add to the realistic feeling of being at an airport, they take your bags off you as you arrive and then lose them, and they sell you a dribble of coca cola for 4 euros.

I shall pop along and see what it’s like, not being into computer games, I’m sure I will manage to either crash the planes or black out the entire south of Tenerife for a few days. Hmm I wonder if they will have cyber stewardess’s doing other simulations – smiling and serving tea is what I was thinking of course.

They like to make us suffer, but thanks to a strong first half display, CD Tenerife beat Nastic 2-1 at home to make sure they can’t be relegated from the Segunda division. A few months ago, the talk was of promotion but 9 games without a win saw Tenerife slip worryingly near to the trap door, such are the ups and downs of being a football fan.

Coach Oltra made a few changes bringing local boys, Hector and Rosquette back into the squad, with Hector starting in defence. Just 5 minutes into the game, and from a Longas corner a Nino shot squirmed under the goalie and Culebras got a foot to it to push it in for a goal. The home lead didn’t last long and a defensive slip after 10 minutes let Calle in to level the scores. Tenerife played some good football and created plenty of chances, Oscar Perez and Longas both went close. The one player that has been outstanding all season is forward Nino, and when a Hector cros came to him just out side the goal area, he brought it down well and lashed it into the Nastic goal for his 18th of the season.

 The second half was pretty awful as Tenerife sat back and let Nastic take control of the game. Jandro forced a great save from Navas in the home goal and Sanchez hit the post as Tenerife rode their luck. Somehow Tenerife manged to keep the visitors at bay and there was a huge sense of relief at the final whistle with Tenerife finally safe from the dreaded drop.

 It was a low key (6,900 crowd) end to a home season that after the early promise faded away and left us fearing the worst. At least now the chaps from the Armada Sur going to the final game at Malaga next week, can relax and enjoy their beer. Our despair has been all the worse for seeing Las Palmas rise up the table into the top 6, if only we had won away to the Pios, but they added on extra time until they got their equaliser. In the meantime, planning is already underway for next season, and I can reveal that the first big signing is a Brit. Peter (see pic) is a lively front man, always on the sniff, and he is always willing to work his way down the white lines. There is just a small transfer fee involved, payable to the Central London magistrates court.

If I close my eyes, I can still see Hot Gossip dancing to Supernature by Cerone, not a confession, just tenous link number 457, to get me onto the subject of nature’s bounty here in Tenerife. Today I popped over to the lovely fishing village of Las Galletas, and after frightening the fish I went to see the opening of the 3 day Plant and Flower Fair.

This annual show takes place in Las Ramblas (straight on past the beach) and features stalls of local flora as well as honey, mojo sauces, cactus etc. It’s well worth a look, even if you are not tempted to buy, during the weeekend, 10am until about 8pm, there will be various music and dance offerings on the stage, and the judging of a local photo competition.

Whizzing back to Los Cristianos, I caught the opening of the evenings Wine Fair, just before the dock area. All the exhibitors were bodegas (vineyards) from Tenerife, only 5 are listed in the official programme but I counted 8 stalls. Despite the arid soil, Tenerife has a history of producing some fine wines, Guimar, La Orotava and Abona, were among the areas showing off their produce. I was of course hoping to do some sampling, and had specifically taken along my pint glass, but they weren’t making free with the vino. I believe the idea later, was to buy a ticket for a nominal fee, to sample wines, and then that price would be knocked off any purchase. By the way, the young lady in the photo isn’t miserable, she’s just popping one off – a cork that is. If you are into your wine, many of the islands bodegas do tours, followed by sampling, just check your local tourist information or cultural centre.

Well, as this seems to be turning into a weekends “What’s On” I might as well cover a couple of other things. On Sunday, there is a big cycle ride starting from Guia de Isora at 9 am and ending back there at about 1.30 pm, after going through Chio, Tamimo, Santiago del Teide, Arquayo (high point 1,250 m) , Tejina, Armeñime, Alcala, and Playa San Juan, that’s a total of 71 kms. It’s organised by the Chineje Cycle Club, click on the name for more details.

And Sunday is a sad and worrying day for me, the last home game of CD Tenerife’s football season. With promotion chasing Malaga away in next weeks finale, we still need a point to make sure we can’t get relegated, so there will be plenty of singing juice imbibed before the 5pm kick off. Vamos Tenerife.

My feet were barely settled on Tenerife soil again when they started to itch, so I headed up north to catch up on a few of my old favourites. First call was Puerto de la Cruz, and very resplendent it looked with the flowers and blossom in full bloom and even as I wandered around, the council workers were busy working on the borders and flower beds. It was interesting to see lots of groups of tourists, maybe the southern resorts should go and kidnap a few.

The Muelle Pesquero (fishermans port) always draws me in, it seems to sum up all that’s good about Puerto, the small shingle beach is shared by fishing boats and bathers, and all just a few yards from the busy shopping streets. Since my last visit, a new statue of a fisherwoman has been added, sculpted by Julio Neieto, it makes a nice counterpoint to the area. Mind you I had to pick my angle carefully when taking the photo, as a rather large Canarian gentleman had emerged from the sea and was dressing very publically on the beach, a full moon might have distracted from the artisitc quality of the statue.

A 15 minute bus ride took me up to La Orotava to interview Dr Leslie Brown, an Australian cycle enthusiast with his own bike hire business www.tenerife-training.net . The flying doctor was keen to pedal the environmental advantages of cycling and you can read the full piece on www.canarygreen.net . This is one of many websites I write for, and it’s a good source for news and interviews related to green issues across the Canary Islands. The Aguaviva festival runs through June, so there will be a lot of news updates from the events and interviews with some of the leading players.

Anyway back in La Orotava, we went into the town to find a good spot to take pics, and I realised that although I have made brief visits there for football and changing buses, I haven’t had a good look around, something I intend to put right very soon. At the Plaza de la Constitution, my eye was well and truly caught by the very impressive Liceo de Tauro, an old family home taken into trust and used for art and exhibitions among other things. It also features a restaurant and despite the elegance of the place, the menu looked very reasonable. I thought of buying the house as a little country home but the gardens looked like far too much hard work.

Tracing my way back via Puerto de la Cruz, I had time to pop into Santa Cruz just to see if all was well. I have been anxiuosly watching the re-development of the Plaza de España, the latest re-opening date is June 30, but it still looks quite a way from being finished. Back to Los Cristianos, and armed with maps and leaflets from La Orotava, a future expedition is already taking shape in my mind.

Well I returned to Tenerife the way I flew in, via Manchester, and I must say I was impressed with the city. It must be around 15 years since I last went there to watch Manchester Storm play ice hockey at the MEN arena. A lot of money and effort has been put into the city and it shows, from Salford Keys (pic) to the city centre with its own millenium wheel. The big Premier Inn building had Peregrine Falcons nesting high up, and a camera trained on the nest showed pics on a large city centre screen – with not a word from Bill Oddie.

One warning though if you are flying out of Manchester Terminal One, it’s under redevelopment and has little in the way of services. My flight was midnight, and the few shops after check in, were closed, as well as the American muffin cafe, and worst of all NO BAR, that’s unheard of, even Camberwick Green airport would have a bar. It was bad for familes with children, and passengers for a Malaga flight had suffered a 3 hour delay. Of course the large duty free shop was open and you are channeled through it on the way to the boarding gates.

My flight was with Futura Airways, who have the less then reassuring shortened title of FU Airways. Once on board it was ok, although the stewardess’s wear black leather gloves as part of their uniform, maybe they make specialist movies as a sideline. Anyway, back in Tenerife at 4am on Saturday morning, and a taxi soon had me home, at 21 euros thats pretty reasonable.

Now it’s catch up time, this looks like a busy month, Aguaviva has started some of its events as it builds up to the big music concerts. I’ve only scratched the surface of the papers and news sites from the last few days, but already there is a lot to look forward to and the small matter of the last 2 games for CD Tenerife. They drew 2-2 at Celta Vigo on Saturday, that’s 9 games without a win, and still a point needed to make sure they can’t be relegated. I’m raring to go, come on June, lets be having you.

So today is Bank Holiday Monday, Whitsun holiday to be precise, and of course the rain has been coming down in stair rods. The big event of today here in Oxford is the Lord Mayors Parade, the first event in the year of the new mayor, actually its a Mayoress this year. For the full realistic feeling of the parade, you need to empty a few buckets of water over your head whilst standing in front of a wind machine.

In the past I have taken part in the parade, the Ice Hockey club had a float for 2 years, a good excuse to dress up and drink beer, one year the theme was childrens stories so we went as Babes In The Wood, you really dont want to see those pics of me in a nappy! This year there were no floats, just a few tree huggers on foot and some people banging drums. The weather was terrible, pouring rain and a driving wind, but hey, this is where us Brits excell. Never mind that they were getting soaked, and never mind that noone seemed to give a shit that the parade was hsppening, they still marched on in their make up and costumes to Hinksey Park where a quagmire of mud awaitied them.

It was a lot different from the Santa Cruz Carnaval, with its lavish costumes, and through the night music and dancing. I did feel quite proud to be British, who else would subject themselves to this soaking parade, and all for the sake of charity.

So what does a boy do on a day like this, stay at home with my parents watching The Railway Children or The Great Escape? I don’t think so. There is a teeming city of pubs and  its my mission to explore them and check out the real ale on offer. Yesterday I went on a crawl with a few mates, we discussed the works of Shakespeare, the political system in Russia and the meaning of life in general, over a few cold lemonades and a fruit scone or 2, well something like that. Onward ever onward.Â

Look, i’m not against rain as such but does it have to be bloody cold as well. Here I am in Oxford on a bank holiday weekend, and surprise surprise, its pissing down, to be fair, it started out quite nice.

Yesterday I went to my beloved football club, Oxford City, they had a beer festival, 15 real ales including a specially brewed Promotion Ale, did I mention that we got promoted to the Southern League Premier Division, just 2 jumps behind Oxford United. The ale was lovely and I sat outside with some old friends but mid afternoon the wind kicked up and the storm clouds moved in.

I have been very upset at the state of my old local pubs, several have closed since my last visit, and one, The Cock And Camel has become a Jamie Oliver restaurant, never did like that smug git. Just off for Sunday dinner with my parents in town and then I shall meet up with a few of the beer monsters for an afternoon of polite conversation and a few halfs of lemonade shandy, might even watch Dirty Leeds on tv in the promotion playoff. Hopefully I will post some pics on here soon, I want to get some nice shots of people getting soaked in the torrential rain, maybe a few Miss Wet T Shirt contestants.Â

Tenerife has a big motorbiking scene with a lot of clubs and groups that organise regular rallys. This Sunday May 25th, there is the 4th annual Gran Vuelta a Norte (the great north tour) featuring the Honda 70 in its many forms, originals and replicas.

This is a good point for me to confess to knowing very little about bikes, apart from Westlakes and Jawas from watching years of speedway, but they are probably regarded as relics now. I had to look up the Honda 70, expecting it to be a powerful brute of a bike, but it is just a small four stroke ( said he, trying to sound knowledgeable) and some of the photos I saw made it look almost like a moped, not that I’m knocking that.

Anyway , back to the research and apparently it was known as The Rocket, because of its ability to power up steep roads fully loaded, now it starts to make sense. Sounds like the perfect machine to explore the hills and mountains of the north of Tenerife.

I remember a friend of mine in Oxford was the secretary of the southern Honda Goldwing club, and once a year they would descend on Oxford, set up camp in a far flung field and do a charity pub crawl in and around town before being ferried back to the camp site in a convoy of 12 coaches. One year I went round town with a few of them a week before the event, on what they laughingly called the dry run. This was to visit the chosen pubs and square things with the landlord so he wouldn’t panic when an army of hairy arsed bikers descended on him. Dry run? this advance party of 10 beer monsters nearly drained the pubs on their own, I dread to think what the real event was like.

Meanwhile on an island in the Atlantic, it’s back to the North Tour. Last year they had 101 bikes and will be looking to do even better this year. The main run starts from San Geronimo Industrial estate in La Orotava at 9am and ends in Icod de Los Vinos. The southern enthusiasts will be starting a little earlier from Bar Davimar in Buzanada. So if you see a swarm of bikers on Sunday, don’t be afraid, they are just out to enjoy their passion for bikes and Tenerife.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing in the red corner, Arona council weighing in with a 4 million euro beach renovation project, and in the blue corner, a cute little old Canarian lady with a beachfront house, undefeated on a 24,000 euro valuation. Let the contest begin.

Actually it’s getting quite near the last round. The 4 million euro project in question is the ongoing renewal of the front at Los Cristianos, and the house is No 3 Paseo Maritimo, half way along the old beach. At first site it may seem run down and deserted but Casa de Laureano, has a tv aerial and power lines and is plumbed into the main drainage system. It’s been in the same family for generations and is far enough away from the shoreline to be outside the law of the coast and cannot just be demolished, so the council are trying to buy it.

The current bid stands at 24,000 euros but it must be worth more than that, and as the occupant is old and partially disabled , it would cost loads more to get somewhere as central and away from steep hills. The council are confidently predicting that a solution will be reached by the end of June, personally i’d say good luck to her, push that price as high as possible.

In the meantime, other work is going on at the old Los Cristianos beach behind the house. The sand is being dug up and turned over as part of a cleaning operation and a few truckloads of sand were dumped on Los Tarajales beach, further on towards the Arona Gran hotel. Back on March 24 I did a post on here about a 12 million euro council project that had been announced to give Los Tarajales a long promised new look over the next 2 years, that would include new headlands, rock pools and breakwaters to protect the new beach. Sadly the stop gap measure isn’t really working as the beach wasn’t cleaned or levelled first, the back walls are still covered in graffiti and with no protection the sand is just washing straight out. Maybe the promised long term solution will come about, once they decide whether or not the old houses, illegal under the law of the coast, will have to come down.

Only a few days ago I was talking to a few other local writers, and of course we had a good old moan about the downside of living in Tenerife. One of our common frustrations was the lack of advance publicity for events in Tenerife, and when the government, council or private promoters do swing belatedly into action, it usually involves a press release a few days before the event. This is as useful as a chocolate fireguard to the Brits, as one paper comes out weekly and the others fortnightly. Anyway since that meeting, I have already come across several more examples of ” hark, hark, whisper, who cares, if we don’t tell a soul, there’ll be more empty chairs”.

Today, Saturday, the Canarian rugby champions, Nandu of Tenerife, are playing a friendly at the Adeje stadium against Trafford M.V from Manchester at 4pm. I’m sure a few rugby loving Brits would have fancied that, but I only found out this morning from a poster just put up in a shopping centre.

And the next. A couple of days ago, I discovered there is a Tapas promotion in Granadilla de Abona from May 15 to June 15, with many bars and restaurants offering tapas for 2 euros or less. This covers popular places like El Medano, and Los Abrigos but when I was in Granadilla town tourist office barely 2 weeks ago, there was no mention of it, I eventually saw a leaflet in a Arona tourist office yesterday. There is a competition on the leaflet as well, get 20 of the participating outlets to stamp your leaflet and you can win a meal for 2. I comb through all the Canarian papers every day and haven’t seen this promotion mentioned, maybe you have to go to the council website and search it out, but you would need to know it was there to look in the first place?

Well, here’s one FREE event that I saw a poster for today, a whole week in advance. It’s the Canarian Roller Figure Skating Championships in Las Galletas, next Saturday May 24 at the sports hall in Avenida del Principe Felipe, that’s the 2nd stop in on the bus. It takes place from 9am until 2pm and 4pm until 9pm and as well as the competition, features displays from a former Italian champion, Simone Fraietta and 3 times World Champion, Luca D’Alisera (in pic).

The poster was in Los Cristianos on the same shop that advertised a FREE christmas roller skating gala, so it’s probably someone who is heavily involved in the sport. The sports hall, how many know that is there, took 5 years to build and is pretty basic but most things they stage there are free. I have been a couple of times to see the in line hockey team (it’s the nearest I will get here to my ice hockey fix) the Tenerife Guanches, it’s out of season at the moment but I will do a piece when they start up again.

Anyway, all those frustrations aside, it’s been another glorious day here, and life is good. There is a big summer of events ahead, so let’s hope that they are all a big success and well attended, I will try to do my little bit to publicise those I can find out about.