Remember in the first Austin Powers film Dr Evil, recently thawed out after decades in suspended animation, threatens to destroy the world unless he gets – dramatic pause – one million dollars. All his henchmen and the NATO chiefs fall about laughing at his stupidly outdated valuation. That’s how I felt when hearing that CD Tenerife wouldn’t accept less than – dramatic pause – one million euros for Ayoze Perez.

It seems that Real Madrid are willing to give us minnows half a million euros and a few trimmings for Ayoze – hey throw us a fricking bone will you. It’s a shame to see Tenerife setting their sites so low, remember Sergio Canales a few seasons ago, he went from Racing to Real for 4.5 million euros and he was more of a midfielder. Then there was our former forward Frankowski (the Pole with no goal) who shortly before joining us had signed for Wolves for one million pounds, and he was bad, I mean very very bad and so short he had to stand on a chair to reach puberty. Goal scorers are the Holy Grail and you don’t sell that for chump change at the local boot sale.

Ayoze is 20 years old, has a fantastic scoring record in the youth and B team, and lest we forget he has jumped up 2 divisions in little over 6 months but is now showing his class at Segunda level. Speed, a great touch, and an eye for goal, just beef him up a bit and he will be even better – West Brom put the young Bryan Robson on a Mackeson diet to build him up.

Anyway, it’s probably inevitable that Ayoze will leave sooner or later and I don’t begrudge him more money and international prospects but let’s just make sure we get what he is worth and don’t just bow down to the big money boys – or President Concepcion may be cast as the biggest villain of all time.