Being a tight so and so I always give the sauce bottle a good slapping to get all the sauce out but eventually I have to admit it’s drained. Unless CD Tenerife coach Alvaro Cervera can add some late season vinegar the promotion play off hopes are in the same situation after a fourth straight 0-1 defeat, this time at home to Cordoba.
The jolt of pain from the defeat at Las Palmas should have fired up the engines again but it was a poor performance, sloppy and slow to cover in defence, blunt up front, and a midfield engine room desperate for the return of Cristo Martin. Cordoba looked sharp, former Newcastle player Xisco put an early chance wide from a Davila pass and thought he might have another pop after beating Ruiz but was offside. Davila’s control let him down when another chance came calling but he pounced after 17 minutes when Silva had plenty of time to set him up for the goal.

Xisco was at it again just clearing the bar with his shot and although Suso was testing the visitors defence Aridane was grazing again and Ayoze looked off the pace. Davila was gifted another shot just before the break but did the decent thing and popped it wide. The signs were worrying despite Suso opening the second half with a typically determined raid down the line, he squeezed it across but the keeper just managed to scramble it away. Ayoze was getting heavy marking, Bernardo and Cruz pressed him in a sandwich and even when he made some room and bore down on the keeper his shot rebounded away off the post. Like all our recent opponents, Cordoba had done their homework and enforced their plan cynically, holding player Garai took over from forward Davila as they looked to keep their lead. Aridane finally got a sniff but fired into the side netting. Nano replaced Loro and again looked promising but was isolated out on the left.

Suso was still squeezing his bottle, he turned a defender but was thwarted by the goalie and then took out two defenders with a clever lob but there was no one waiting to finish it off. Juanjo couldn’t spark a late fight back when replacing full back Moyano and late efforts from Ayoze and Aridane came to nothing. The 13,702 crowd didn’t show dissent at the final whistle, their support had been intense all through the game but most of us felt resigned to reluctantly letting the dream go. There are three more games to end with a flourish but realistically we should be grateful for an uplifting season that should be a springboard for a more solid assault on promotion next season.

What a contrast, from the majestic pine trees, vibrant flowers, and bird song, to the cool, dark, silent world of Cueva del Viento below Icod in the north west of Tenerife. I had visited the volcanic lava tubes before but it was nice to share the experience with Andy and Jim from the Armada Sur as well as the others on the full mini bus from the visitors centre where the tour started.

The first hint of the contrast came when we peered through the metal grid of a 17 metre chasm. Surrounded by greenery and vegetation it has swallowed up a curious local lady many years ago, luckily she survived and it led to the full exploration of the 17 kilometers of tunnels on four levels. Our trip was in a 180 metre downward plunging section with a guide and plenty of informative information. We learnt at the visitors centre about the different types of lava, this Tenerife natural wonder is of the layered type where lava has cooled and solidified to sculpt bizarre shapes and textures. Cueva del Viento (cave of the wind) is the biggest set of volcanic tubes in Europe and the fifth longest in the world.

The day started at Playa de Las Americas bus station, originally there were to be 8 of us on the outing but only myself and Andy Van Man boarded the 460 bus for Icod. Jim phoned to say he was at the wrong bus station but a frantic car catch up saw him hop on at Tejina. As we drove up through Chio and Santiago del Teide the cloud was hovering low to mask the scorching sun. We arrived in Icod a couple of hours ahead of our booked tour time so after a stroll through the historic back streets we settled outside Bar Hesperides for a few Dorada’s as we watched the world go by. For our delight and entertainment we were treated to a Mrs Merton look alike, a female Jabba the Hut impersonator – who turned out to be English, and a scattering of pretty young ladies also caught our roaming eyes.

A taxi whizzed us up the steep winding roads to the tiny village of Cueva del Viento and the visitors centre. We paid our 10 euros and collected our helmets with mounted spot lights and listened to the introduction talk and video. Suitably clued up, we piled into the minibus for another steep climb to a clearing were we set off across natures garden. Several expanses of lava rock gave us a better understanding of how the lava had poured down from Pico Viejo, next to Mount Teide, and created a 300 metre wide lava field. Part of the ancient Camino Real track, that linked remote parts of Tenerife, became our path as we neared the entrance to the tubes. Before putting the helmets on we had to pull a cloth protector over our heads, some of us got yellow ones, not a good colour for CD Tenerife fans. With the helmets tightened and the lights turned on we descended one by one down the entrance stairs.

In the first large cave we perched on the ledges as our guide explained more about our surroundings, a mummified body of a Guanche king had been found on a high ledge, and a small metal door in the distant rocks was a crawl space into the main tunnels where most of the tiny species of creatures live. Our journey led the other way through a tight, twisting, plunging tunnel with an uneven rocky floor. Our lights cast flickering shadows on the walls and ceiling to show the many small offshoots and the tree and plant roots that poked through. The air was chilled and drops of moisture plopped now and then as we explored some of the collapsed rocks. At the end of our stretch of tunnel we were just under the grid covering the chasm the old lady dropped down, and just to the side was a tight lava pipe leading down to the lower level, there are plans to offer that as an extra option for braver explorers.

Retracing our steps we stopped to look at some spiders on the ceiling of the passage and also to have our brief exposure to total darkness. The warmth of the late emerging sun caressed us as we climbed back to ground level, on the walk back to the minibus we were able to check out some obsidian rock and learn how it was used by the Guanches to make rough tools. By the time we got back to the visitors centre the whole experience had taken two hours so feeling educated and thirsty we rewarded ourselves with Dorada’s at the nearby bar and ordered our taxi back to Icod. As luck would have it we had well over an hour until our bus back south so we put the time to good use with more beer outside a large bar near the bus station. There was still time to pack more into the day, breaking the journey in Tejina we were able to meet the General in Bar Achimaye and enjoy some food and drink while watching the first half of the Europa League final before the last leg into Playa de Las Americas.

I jumped out in Torviscas to meet a couple of friends over from Bournemouth at The Wigan Pier, the second half of the football, extra time, and penalties allowed me to force a few more beers down and we even won their quiz. That was it for me – oh apart from a few nightcaps at The Merry Monk in Los Cristianos. It was a great day in good company, our next lads trip out is shark wrestling or hang gliding – as long as it includes beer I’m up for it.