It was ships ahoy in Santa Cruz as the German Navy paid a visit with the Frigate, Sacasen F219 (below), and support vessel, Frankfurt AM Main A1412. With impeccable timing this happened just as a large scale air combat excercise, involving Spanish and American planes, started out at sea.

Sadly reports in the local Canarian press suggesting the gang planks would be rolled out for public access on Saturday from 4pm to 6pm, proved to be very premature. Both ships arrived early on Thurday morning but were moored on the far dock, just behind the Costa Serena cruise liner, and the security guard was not letting anyone beyond his gate without a boarding pass for the liner.

I was tempted to swim out with the camera on my head, but settled for these long shots, at least I have the low down on both vessels. Sacasen F219 is the smaller but weighs in at 5,600 tons, is 143 metres long and can power up to 29 knots. It has 255 crew, under Captain Markus Nolte, and has anti aircraft guns.

The combat support ship, Frankfurt AM Main A1412 (below), is much bulkier at 22,240 tons, is 174 metres long, and can do 19 knots. Captain Stefan Berger, keeps the 169 crew all ship shape, and makes sure they have plenty of supplies on board to back up the Sacasen. Both ships had just come in from Gibralter and will head out at 3pm on Sunday to Brazil, Colombia, Iceland and the UK. Normally they have another friend in tow, but the Lubeck F214 is currently in Italy undergoing repairs.

So much for the sea, what’s happening up in the skies? From February 27 to March 13, air combat training is taking place 70 miles off the Tenerife coast. Spain is bringing it’s Eurofighter F18 and Mirage F1 and will be joined in a few days by America’s F15 and F493 from their base at Lakenheath in Norfolk. You shouldn’t see the planes but you might just hear the F15, which moves at 2.5 times the speed of sound, and creates a sonic boom. Let battle commence.

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So there’s a cow, a bear and a clown at a bar, no it’s not the start of a joke, just the early morning scene at the bus station in Santa Cruz. It was the strange twilight zone where last nights Carnaval revellers were either on their last legs before going home or having a very hairy dog breakfast before diving into another round of partying on the day of the Coso parade.

Even catching the bus in Los Cristianos at 8am, I was met by a sea of empty bottles and cans and human debris, with monks that had merryed themselves, “women” in skimpy dresses with morning stubble, and all manner of ghosts and ghouls with a touch of the Zombie about them. Arriving in Santa Cruz, the scene was multiplied as 24 hour party people tried to scrape themselves onto buses to take them home. You have to feel sorry for the drivers, coping with that on a public holiday, but they didn’t even flinch, this is Tenerife, and the Carnaval drunks are placid and friendly.

With a few hours to kill before the 4pm Coso, I decided to take a 30 minute bus trip (No 101) to Tacaronte, along the north coast, in the heart of wine country. It was pretty quiet, many places were closed for the holiday and the town had headed in bulk to Santa Cruz. Still I enjoyed a couple of hours sipping coffee and snacking during a brief tour. I will have to pop back for a longer exploration to try one of the 2 historic routes suggested by the council outside the information centre. On the bus back to the capital, I noticed 2 strangely named places just before Los Rodeos, the north airport, could they be an English joke? Dolce Vita Swingers Club was a fairly big building on a street corner by the Guamasa turn, and a little further was the Bar Piss-Pass (don’t order lemonade) hmmm something to check out I think.

Back in Santa Cruz, crowds were growing as i wandered along the port front Avenida Maritima, passing numerous food and souvenir stalls. Families and friends had banded together to produce some wonderful costumes, with this years Horror Film theme used as a vague guide. Many had taken the few rows of pavement seating early and were camped out for good vantage points but the gathering black clouds spilled their contents at short intervals to be greeted by a sea of colourful umbrellas.

With the promised storm heading for the islands, everyone was glad to see the parade get underway, headed by the newly elected Carnaval Queen, Ana Maria Tavarez (below) at the centre of her pink extravaganza, Embrujada (Enchanted). Musical floats, giant stilt walkers, marching bands and wacky interlopers followed as the parade headed along the front, past the government buildings and on to the fair before dispersing into smaller parties and tonights big dance in the Plaza Candelaria.

The show goes on till Sunday, and many will stay the course, through the nights and with little sleep. Then the rest of Tenerife follows on as regional Carnavals burst into life well into March. And in case you wondered about all that mess and rubbish, it was all cleared and both bus stations were spick and span by early evening when I headed south. The next few mornings will bring another deluge of party leftovers, but it will all be cleaned and tidied away before you can say fortnightly bin collection.

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It’s not just pop stars that flock to Tenerife, or even the Salsa and Latino performers that grace the Carnaval scene. There are a lot of classical events, La Orotava is hosting the 3rd annual Festival Musitematico from March 7 to 28.

There are 6 concerts ranging from Gospel to Opera, but this years star name is American Soprano, Barbara Hendricks at the Auditorio Teobaldo Power on Friday March 27. Tickets vary from 25 euros up to 55 euros, but there is also a sliding scale of discounts if you book for several of the concerts. Check the website for full details.

Barbara Hendricks was born in Arkansas, America, 60 years ago and studied in New York to become a Bachelor of Music, before going on to sing opera at San Francisco, Glyndebourne, Paris, Covent Garden and La Scala.

Not only at home with opera, Barbara has flirted with jazz, playing live and recording tracks for several LPs. If the music path hadn’t worked out, Barbara could have followed up on her Bachelor of Science in maths and chemistry, that she earned at Nebraska College.

With such a rich background, and an internationally gained respect, Barbara has been able to support many humanitarian causes, and has become an ambassador for the United Nations. Impressive as that is, her amazing voice will be the big draw for her concert in La Orotava.

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Dig out those flares, book yourself for a perm and fire up the Audi Quatro, the 1980’s are making a comeback in Tenerife. Kool and the Gang, the American soul band are playing at the Santa Cruz auditorium on April 18, the latest in a long line of retro music acts to pop over. The group from New Jersey had a string of big hits at the start of the 1980’s such as Joanna and Get Down On It, the years may have aged them but i’m sure they cn still evoke a few memories.

It looks like being a busy musical year for the Canary Islands, Tony Hadley, former lead singer of Spandau Ballet, is playing the Alfredo Krauss auditorium in Las Palmas, Gran Canaria on February 26, backed by the Barcelona Jazz Orchestra. Possibly the biggest event to hit the islands this year is the official inauguration of the Grantecan telescope over on La Palma.

The Grantecan project has attracted the interest of former Queen guitarist Brian May, who did some of the research for his PHD in astrophysics there, he was asked to play at the opening ceremony. This has snowballed from there with French electro rock genius Jean Michel Jarre declaring his interest to take part on the big night, and now former Genesis drummer Phil Collins has added his talents to the mix.

The inauguration is likely to take place in July but because of the logistics, Grantecan is on Roque de los Muchachos, towering 2,400 metres over La Palma, it may well be a private event. However with 3 such top artists adding a musical twist, it should attract big television coverage from TV Canarias at least.

Maybe Sting is keen to be the next rock star to set foot on Tenerife. I have noticed some flyers lately for a series of courses on Tantric Love in El Medano and Santa Cruz, it’s something that the former Police lead singer swears by. It’s all about using the mind and body in harmony when playing “hide the sausage” and it’s got to be better than using some of Stings more experimental solo works as a bedroom backing track.

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Anything goes in Tenerife, but you may be very surprised if you read any of the short story collections of Tony Thorne M.B.E. I have known the 82 year old former scientist for a few years, having written a few articles about his speculative tales of sci fi and the bizarre, and have just an enjoyable plough through his 2 latest titles, Tall Tenerife Tales and a preview copy of More Tall Tenerife Tales.

Tony (left in pic with Harry Harrison) has a solid background in science, he got the M.B.E for ground breaking work in low temperature surgery instruments and hi temperature furnaces, but armed with a healthy cynicism, he took up the pen (well computer) again on settling in tenerife a few years ago. Life is now split between Playa del Arena in the winter and Austria, homeland of wife Eva, for the rest of the year.

Both recent volumes contain tales routed in, around and even under Tenerife, and if stories of alien visitors, ghosts from the past and strange creatures, seem a stretch too far, just check the news and see what is happening these days in the scientific community. Although Tony has an American publisher, printers and outlets closer to home in Tenerife have proved to be more tricky due to large print runs and up front costs. The books are good fun reading and with the island base, they would make great beach and plane reading for visitors and residents alike, in the meantime Tony has added home printing to his other talents such as creating the cover artwork. If you want to find out more, order copies, or can help to boost his print run, check out his website at www.tonythorne.co.uk .

Some of Tony’s stories have popped up in other compilations in america and beyond and having attended sci fi writers conventions, tony has a wide orbit of literary friends, i was lucky enough to meet and interview Harry Harrison (in pic) on his Tenerife visit in 2007. There is already a 3rd collection of Tall Tenerife Tales well underway, i’m looking forward to adding that to my reviewing list.

The christmas season is playing out its final act with Reyes (Kings Day) today across Spain. Last night the 3 kings, Balthasar, Gaspar and Melchor rode into many towns on their camels, spraying handfuls of sweets to the crowds and then taking their places on their thrones to hand out presents to eager young children. Reyes marks epiphany or the arrival of the 3 kings at the stable with presents for the baby Jesus.

There was a slight chnge to routine here in Los Cristianos, the kings arrived at the ferry port and made their way in a large procession of dancers and musicians to the church plaza this year, rather than outside the cultural centre. It was the usual good natured scrum down, before the present giving started, but a real delight to watch. Up north in Santa Cruz, the credit crunch meant the kings didn’t arrive by helicopter but were driven into the CD Tenerife football stadium by the local fire men, and even the northern rain couldn’t dampen the enthusiasm of the 22,000 crowd. Tickets were just a one euro charity donation with proceeds split between several local charities.

Today was very much a family day as children opened their presents and most people tucked into a roscon, the traditional reyes cake. A yummy dough based treat in the shape of a large ring, its is stuffed with cream and sweet decorations and usually contains a few surprise gifts baked in the dough, one a lucky charm and another, a dried nut shell or something similar which means you have to pay for the cake. I wolfed down a chunk earlier, and very nice it was-cant wait for next year.

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Nice new walkways to improve access, and better facillities can make a big difference to Tenerife beaches, but sometimes the warning bells start ringing when the word improvement is used. Playa de la Enramada between Playa del Duque and La Caleta is a classic example. Last week the first stage of “improvements” were officially unveiled and blessed by the Adeje council, but visiting, a few days later, I was shocked to see what a mess has been made of the once wonderful beach after transforming it from the old look (top pic) to new.

Let’s pop back in time a few months to when  rolling banks of pebbles led down to the often wild sea, and there was a lovely white sand chill out area at the La Calete end, called El Chiringuito, which included a bar and a beach volleyball court. sadly this was all demolished as part of the 550,000 euros project. In April the first Costa Adeje Triathlon started from the beach, and was a great success, with the rugged nature of the sea, a fitting challenge to the contestants.

Now the beach has been scraped flat (below) and covered with tons of sand from the old Los Cristianos beach, other “improved” beaches around the coast have already found that new sand doesn’t bed down very well, and the new sand has been eroded near the shore, so swimmers still have to walk over pebbles. The beach is backed by high banking and has no natural character any more. there are 2 more phases to be completed, including a walkway along the rear of the beach and a park area just above and behind the sea front.

I suspect the overall idea is to make the beach more attractive to the posh 4 and 5 star hotels on the edge of El Duque, but it has just made it look bland. There was no pressing need to do anything to this beach, it’s nice to have a variety of bathing and swimming spots along the coast, but the council would no doubt call this progress -what a great shame.

It may not have a panel of smug showbiz celebrities, or a horrendously expensive premium rate phone vote, but up towards the peak of Mount Teide, 8 robots are auditioning for an out of this world gig – on the moon. The European Space Agency has challenged universities from 8 countries to build and send their best lunar exploration vehicle to prove itself on the rocky and cratered moon type landscape of Teide National Park.

Britain is represented by Surrey University, although somehow the phrase “Guildford, we have a problem” doesn’t have the same ring to it. All the contestants will get their chance to shine, maybe it’s best described as a cross between Robot Wars and Stars In Their Eyes, before the lucky winner gets a chance at a future space shot.

But what will they find once they go into space? With a great sense of timing, the Spanish Ministry of Defence has just de-classified a whole batch of flying saucer reports from past years. Known as OVNI’s (Objeto Volante No Identificado) these sightings are outlined in a 84 page report, including several over the Canary Islands.

One of the higher profile encounters was in November 1974 when several sightings took place in Gran Canaria, including one by an off duty Assistant Air Colonel, who claims it flew over his car at amazing speed. At the same time, a plane coming into Las Palmas also reported an object buzzing it, popping in and out of the clouds. Pio’s (Gran Canarians) do have naturally bad judgement, their football team is a prime example, but many other OVNI incidents have been spotted over the other islands, including Tenerife, so maybe we should get these robots up into space and let them sort it all out.

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What are the strange new metal structures popping up all along the front at Los Cristianos. Are they bicycle stands for aliens, toast racks for giants or modern art gone mad? Actually, none of those, they are gym equipment installed by Arona council in a bid to encourage a little day to day excercise.

The 2 main areas are the small plaza with the fisherwomans statue facing the old beach, and to the east a mini park area just past the tiny plaza with the newly mended fountain. The latter area is mostly metal beams, a nearby plaque explains their 3 main benefits to the cardio vascular system, strength and flexibility. The other area has a treader for step ups and 2 seat benches fitted with pedals to improve lower body strength.

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I’ve seen street gyms like this on a much larger scale in Arrecife, the capital of Lanzarote, and i’m told they are also popular in Miami. The Tenerife versions have popped up over night with no big fanfare, and are becoming a curiosity among passers by. I tried to get some pics of dolly birds trying the equipment out, but strangely they didn’t seem keen to exert themselves while a shifty looking blonde man lurked in the shadows with his camera.

If you go near the new additions, don’t just look, have a little play, it might encoursge others. I’m not too sure about the pedal machine, I have heard that it is linked to the cafe behind, where the owner is contemplating vastly reduced electricity bills. Besides that, when people pedal really fast using both seats, I could swear that Tenerife starts moving slightly nearer to La Gomera.

It’s enough to make the Major choke on his cornflakes and Basil chew the carpet. Puerto de la Cruz council want to twin their city with Torquay, the cream of Devon, forever immortalised by Fawlty Towers.

 You can see the similarities, both coastal cities with a big fishing and boating community and popular with tourism, but that’s not the connection. Agatha Christie is the key to this mystery. The famous crime writer, born in Torquay in 1890, stayed in Puero de la Cruz in 1927 and was inspired to write the short story “The Man From The Sea”. Last year Puerto held an Agatha Christie festival from November 23 to December 1 to mark the 80th anniversary of her visit.

Grandson Matthew Prichard, who now handles Agathas estate and rights to her works, came over to attend a number of events including the unveiling of a bust at La Paz, the mirador (viewpoint) that looks down on much of Puerto de la Cruz. The plan is for a second festival to be held in June 2009 and the twinning arrangement with Torquay would fit in nicely with that.

The Devon city has its other claims to fame, comedian Peter Cook was born there and the lovely Helen “Hells Bells” Chamberlain is probably their most famous supporter of Torquay United. I doubt if we can look forward to a literary festival based on the works of Derek and Clive, or the contents of the Torquay football programme, so murder and intrique will continue to forge links between the 2 cities.

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