Back on the rock and collecting my thoughts through a dissapating haze, I feel I should at least sketch in a few details of the oxford leg of my short UK tour. Lack of easy internet access, a moody camera, and most of all large quantities of real ale meant I neglected my posting duties, but it was good fun.

Luckily it didn’t rain much but most days started with a frost, making my walk into the city centre, about 3 miles from my parents, chilly but bracing, I could have got a bus, but denied my regular swimming, it meant I still got some daily excercise. I like to see what’s changed in Cowley and in the approach to town, mainly more pubs closed and more bargain stores opening, there were a few other pleasant surprises, posh leggy students on bikes are always distracting, and a young ladies lacrosse team heading down the High Street filled my mind with images of St Trinians.

As always I spent too much time sampling the ale, winter warmers abound at this time of year and a few bottles of Youngs Banana Bread Beer at 5.2 % had me looking all yellow and bendy. I could have taken up other temptations, a Wednesday night concert by The Proclaimers at the O2 Arena might have been fun but I passed it by. The big finale for my final night should have been The Oxford Beer Festival but a little too much practice in the day meant I retired early feeling tired and emotional. I did bump into quite a few visiting CAMRA (Campaign For Real Ale) fans during the day, although I find it a little excessive how they all start jotting down notes about each half they try of a new unticked ale.

So it was a hazy early set off for me to Gatwick Airport, and just a few quiet beers before flying. The main pre check in bar contained the Northern Ireland under 20 football squad, on their way back from the World Championships in Egypt, they were well behaved, but amused, like everyone else, by the young chap in just a pink mankini, no doubt off on a beery lads trip – well there would be no need to ask him to empty his pockets at customs.

 Maybe next trip I can fly in and out of Oxford, Kidlington Airport on the edge of Oxford, mainly a school for young pilots, is about to launch its first commercial service with flights to and from Geneva, in line with various other airports that are miles away from London, its new name is London Oxford Airport – well it’s only about 52 miles away. Anyway it’s good to back in the land of Dorada and 30 degree sunshine – I feel a punishing schedule of swimming coming on to kick start me back to rude health.

Kept in a strange village and chased by a huge white clear bubble, sounds bizarre, but myself and many people in the 1960’s were glued to ITV series The Prisoner. As I am over in the UK for a few days it seemed a great idea to visit Portmeirion in North Wales, where the classic series was filmed. Even staying with the lovely Pam in Bolton, it’s a fair old drive so we took it gently, and as the sun was shining, that made things a lot easier.

Heading to Pwllheli for a couple of days, we stopped off at Llanrwist (above)  for a cuppa, a beautiful setting in the Snowdonia National Park, the trees were just putting on their autumn clothes of russets and golden browns and the old stone bridge gave great views of the cold river trickling underneath. Moving on to Betws Y Coed, we could see the little village was a busy crossing point for walkers, the weather was still crisp and sunny as we headed towards the train station. Now I’m not a train spotter, but I should imagine they really blow their whistles when they see the old train carriages in a siding, used as a buffet coach. There is also a small kiddies train on a single track , I was tempted but it was clearly not meant for heavy loads like me. The food was good on board, and we even sneaked a quick glance in the railway museum.

A few miles on and we found the main attraction, Portmeirion (below) , a real mixed bag of architectural styles built by Clough Williams Ellis, around an old run down hotel on the edge of he river estuary. For those not familiar with The Prisoner, there is a new working of the classic starting on ITV in November with a strong American flavour and filmed at a special village built in Africa.

For those who don’t know, The Prisoner was a former British agent who resigned and was then gassed, only to wake up in this strange village with no means of escape. Everyone was known by a number and the elusive big boss, Number One, stayed hidden in the background as Number 6 was probed to find out why he re-signed. Portmeiron is certainly strange, it started with just a few large scale set piece buildings and gardens, gradually more architectural oddities in various styles were added by donations, the finished product is pretty amazing.

Cardigan Bay forms a wonderful natural backdrop, and the hotel and series of small apartments and chalets are available for holiday rent, there was a big wedding going on during our visit. As the sun stared to sink low, a chill gripped the air, time to head off back to Pwllheli. It was a shame not to be chased by Rover, the white ball that acts as a guard dog, but I will look out for it in the new series – somehow I think it will be replaced by something more modern – that’s progress I suppose.

Even on an island steeped in musical culture, like Tenerife, it is possible to be surprised by something different. That was how I felt the first time I passed the church plaza in Los Cristianos and witnessed what I now know to be Capoeira. It was a heady mix of drum rythms, dancing, clapping, chanting and martial art style duels. It always attracts a decent crowd, all as intriqued as I am and fascinated by the agillty and rythm.

Capoeira is a Brazilian art form, inspired by African slaves brought to Brazil in the 16th century, closer scrutiny helped me to appreciate that the high kicks and chops are expressive but don’t connect, this is not about violence. A informal circle called a Roda forms a dance area where the dancers take turns in pairs to face off against each other using their well drilled moves to make their point. I had often wondered about the young gymnasts that practice flips and leaps down on the beach in Las Vistas, well it’s a great free space to work on routines with just soft sand to stop any injuries.

Capoeira is a proud tradition the has spread around the globe and is practised by many Brazilian groups. It’s a small world – but you wouldn’t want to paint it – and the day I took some photos I later thumbed through The Daily Mail in a bar and found Capoeira featured in a story. The Mail were getting very angry and hot under the collar (when don’t they) about Hackney Council funding a local ethnic dance group to learn Capoeira. I picked my way through the rant with a wry smile, some attitudes never change, but at least here in Tenerife, there is a stage for every sort of music, dance and culture. If you want to catch the Los Cristianos crew, Saturday mid afternoon is normally time for the Capoeira feet to fly.

A stuffed donkey, a blood covered woman rolling in feathers, and a humming bird in a trance, there’s only one place I could be. TEA (Tenerife Espacio de las Artes) , the wonderful and sometimes downright weird art and culture gallery in Santa Cruz. This was my 4th visit since they opened barely a year ago, it’s always a real treat for all the senses, and depending on your viewpoint, challenging or baffling.

Â

The exhibitions change and overlap, I started in Sala A where The Collection, the best works of La Laguna’s famous artist, Oscar Dominguez, and Written Portrait, a collection of sketches and photos by Patti Smith, are both finishing on September 6. A brief brush up, reminded me how vibrant Oscar’s slightly surreal works were but as a fan of Patti Smith the leader of the 70’s New York punk scene, I was keen to see her other talents. To be blunt , the sketches looked like a childs scribble, and the polaroids were pretty ordinary, a few too many rock and roll Woodbines over the years for Patti I feel. Tucked just inside Sala A is Area 60, a small room reserved for experimental performance and active art, the latest being Impasse by Beatriz Lecuona and Oscar Hernandez, which I just missed “going off” at 1pm, it also does its thing at Noon, 5pm, 6pm and 7pm, more of that later.

Â

The main Sanata Cruz library (above) now resides at TEA, in a bright modern setting with loads of work spaces for students to study, there is also a cinema that shows international films of note in their original language, normally 4 euros, seperate or extra to the main admission prices. Sala B was calling, offering Mexico, Expected/Unexpected, and this is where it got very strange. This collection from Isabel and Agustin Coppel sprawls through several rooms, starting with displays of shovels and a forest of scrap metal, representing the hard labour the poor people of Mexico were made to endure to raid the country’s natural wealth for rich exploiters.

Then I turned a corner, and saw such an ass, no not a mirror, an actual stuffed donkey sat in a corner, looking fairly relaxed considering what had happened to it. The surprises came thick and fast now, a video of a Humming Bird,enticed into a trance – possibly one of Paul McKennas tricks, and a video room showed a young naked Cuban lady empty a jug of blood over herself at the edge of a lake, before rolling in a pile of white feathers. A bit further, another video area showed a tug of war with men pulling a white Volkswagen in several directions as a band played a cover of Moby Dick by Led Zepplin – are you confused yet, I was.

Sala C was pretty tame in comparison, Mi Colecion de Vidas by Alexis W, head and shoulder photos of the artist and friends, set against a black background, quite haunting. I adjourned at this point back into the outside world for food and drink as I digested all I had seen. One last pleasure drew me back for 5pm, Impasse was due to blow. A large “fireplace” for want of a better word, stood against a white wall, the staff, who again outnumbered the visitors, were as fascinated as I was as a rumbling sound was followed by a cascade of black plastic paint, which went on for around 5 minutes, strangely hypnotic. My suggestion to the staff, that the paint could be replaced with chocolate or Dorada got a chuckle and little resistance.

I may sound a bit cynical, but TEA is a firm favourite with me, always fun, interesting and different, I just wish more people would visit it. TEA is open from 10am to 8pm Tuesday to Sunday, entrance is 5 euros for adults, 2.50 euros for residents, one euro for over 65’s and under 26’s and FREE for under 12’s. Check out the website and pop in soon, you would be an ass to miss it.

Sometimes it’s easy to miss what’s just under, or above your nose, Chayofa, just 5 minutes up above Los Cristianos, is a lovely village that I have barely scratched the surface of. A Sunday dinner invite proved to be the perfect chance to rise above the heat of the tourist south of Tenerife, and feel the cool air whilst checking out la Finca del Arte, bistro and art gallery.

Set on an old banana plantation, heavily shaded and with a serene peace, La Finca del Arte has a big reputation for good food and artistic expression through sculpture, paintings and live music. Thursday nights are guitar nights with a South American twang, but Sunday afternoons mean live jazz and a barbecue brunch on the leafy terrace that looks down on the large garden with its stage set against Montaña Guaza in the distance.

Holding back my hunger, I explored in the converted barn that houses a large collection of art from local based artists, and also has a stylish restaurant for daily meals from 11am to 10pm. The paintings and sculptures are all for sale, in various sizes from small to where did that wall go. I was fortunate to be introduced to Juan Carlos Martin Diaz, a sculptor, originally from Salamanca, who moved to Tenerife in 1992. As he flicked through his photo collection of his works, I was staggered by the quality and diversity, and pleased to recognise a few familiar sights from my travels, such as the statue of Hermano Pedro in Vilaflor and a fountain from Guimar. Many people have walked by one of his more recent works every day by the old beach of Los Cristianos, the small shrine to the Virgen del Carmen is a scaled down model of a full size statue sunk in the harbour to bless fishermen.

The gallery was no place for my rumbling stomach, so I joined my friends outside and we ordered our food, I could see and smell my meat cooking on the barbecue, and soon dived into my large plate of chicken, sausages, steak and pork ribs, backed up with salad and potatoes. By now the tables were filling up nicely, in the shade and down beyond the bar in the sun drenched garden, as the musicians struck up, keeping a relaxed tempo going as food and drink were enjoyed. Sunday afternoon is also popular with local singers who come along to jam with the house band, it’s pretty well open mike to all.

Wandering round, fully stuffed, I found some partly hidden sculptures as well as a current banana plantation struggling along next door. Even a short drive up from Los Cristianos, the drop in temperature is noticeable and welcome during such a strong heatwave, but the relaxed setting, good food and soothing music, all go to make this a special place to visit. La Finca del Arte is closed on Mondays, otherwise pop in from 11am to 11pm any day. To see what special events are coming up, check the website.

There was no doubt about it, his woman had done him wrong, life was cruel and he didn’t get no respect. So much for the tortured soul, belting out the crackly vinyl blues on a modern sound system at Casa Elias in downtown El Sauzal. As for me, I was feeling pretty chipper, a plate of tapas in front of me, a cold drink, and the church of San Pedro Apostel in my line of vision. It was clear looking at the drum and guitar on the wall of the main bar, that this was a music venue, posters proclaimed August as a month of “Musica y Mojitos” and even the lizards on the garden wall looked pretty mellow.

It was all well worth the early start for an 8.30am, 110 Titsa from Los Cristianos to Santa Cruz, 1.45 euros on the Bono, prompting a free 30 minute tram ride to the La Laguna terminus. A brief walk through town to the bus station brought its reward with an unexpected floor show. An o51 bus reversed out of its berth and bashed into a stationary 230, the aggreived driver got out, and casually ripped off a hanging length of rubber and drove off to do his run. The reverser was going to leave the scene too, but a young waiting passenger let rip with a tirade of verbal and hand signal abuse, ready to add to his bad morning, the driver leapt out of the cab and squared up to Mr Angry, but before fists could fly, other drivers split the pair and the driver chugged away. All this was played out in a surprisingly casual manner, no reprimands or mountain of paper work seemed to be heading the way of either of the drivers, even though it was like Robot Wars meets On The Buses – and all before 11am.

I was still smirking as my o12 Titsa took the one euro, 30 minute journey to El Sauzal, even the twin delights of Guamasa’s Dolce Vita Swingers Club and Piss Pass cafe had to settle for second best on my chuckleometer. Getting off in the Casco El Sauzal, the old part of town, I was immediately impressed, you can tell a lot by the look of a place, and this was bright,clean, well kept and with plenty of signs and tourist information. The ayuntamiento (council) buidling held centre stage, a pretty standard design of white building with traditional Canarian wooden balconies, it stood on several terraces of plants and flowers with a small waterfall and a cascade of concrete steps down to a pavement cafe. The nearby church of San Pedro Apostel was also well worth a walk round, built in 1515 and used by the Tenerife cabildo (government) when La Laguna was devestated by the plague.

The views out over the valley and to the sea were wonderful, but the best was yet to come. a short walk along the main road brought me to the Parque de los Lavaderos, 8,000 square metres of natures finest, based around a natural water source where locals gathered to do their washing. The trees and shrubs were pretty impressive from the entrance, but once I followed the stone path down through the layers of the park, I realised what a wonderland this is. Water channels still burble through the bushes, but small turret like buildings have been added and seats and mini plazas appear in shady rest spots. The council have struck a fine balance between maintaining the park, and allowing nature some free expression, the water channels are lined with moss and weeds, a perfect habitat for tadpoles, fish and red and blue dragon flies. Lizards lurk in the undergrowth and the flowers blooms add a spread of glorious colour, complemented by the views out to sea, and along the coast to Puerto de la Cruz.

Â

The water that passes through the park is later pumped uphill to irrigate and nurture parks and public gardens at the top end of El Sauzal. As I puffed up the steep road on the 20 minute walk to the Casa del Vino wine museum, I could appreciate how much effort was needed to recycle this fresh water. The music from Casa Elias was still fresh in my brain, I couldn’t help thinking that someone should compose some modern blues based on the mornings events in La Laguna. “Woke up this morning, crashed my bus and had a fight, yeh i woke up this morning, crashed my bus and had a fight, guess I had the Titsa blues, and after that my day got real sh….shoddy”

Mystery artists are all the rage now, down at Las Vistas beach in Los Cristianos, Tenerife, we have our very own, I suppose we could call him Sand Banksie. These are just a few of the latest works that shine as brightly as the sun.

What a talent, I was always just pleased to make one turret of a castle.

It’s a hard life, skipping over the waves on a hot clear day, just off the coast of Tenerife. Would you believe me if I told you it was work? Actually it was, but I can’t deny that it was an amazing pleasure too, getting first hand experience of Flirtz 2, the 74 foot motor yacht, soon to be available for hire from Tenerife Yacht Charters. My mission was to snap as many photos as possible of this 2 deck delight, and the 30 or so invited guests, ready for a new website from Sorted Sites.

Before setting off from its mooring at Puerto Colon, I was given a guided tour above and below decks, the en suite bedrooms downstairs are as big as my apartment and definately more luxurious, complete with big screen plasma tv, sound system, and even a jacuzzi. The main lounge and kitchen are also roomy, with a carpeted floor, and upstairs boasts a second bar, and barbecue.

Time to slip anchor (see all those years of watching Captain Pugwash tought me something) and we powered (Flirtz 2 can do 35 knots) out to sea, and soon met some passing dolphins and whales. There is some beautiful coast line around the south west of Tenerife, from La Caleta right up to Los Gigantes and beyond, and we saw it all from close quarters. A smaller motor boat we were carrying was despatched to bring back chicken,chips and Canarian potatoes to go with the rolls, and with the drinks chilling, it was pretty well perfect.

Passing Los Gigantes and the high cliffs that spawned its name, we moored up just off Masca, a small village popular with walkers due to its steep descent to the isolated beach. Time for fun and games, with a mix of water skiing, swimming and general sun worshipping. It was amazing to see goats grazing up on a small ledge half way up the cliffs, and the seagulls swooping low in the hope of scavenging any food.

With everyone suitably soaked and glowing, we set off for the return journey, the day heading into evening by now, but still very hot and sunny. Manouvering carefully into Puerto Colon harbour, we berthed and said our goodbyes before feeling solid land again. I could get used to this ocean going life, better start saving my cents up.

Just two speeds, slow and stop, well it may seem like that sometimes in Tenerife, but major transport projects have been making steady progress in recent years. The Santa Cruz tram system has been a great success and after many years of idling in the sidings, the great north to south train link looks more positive, with detailed plans announced. Hot on the rails of that comes news of a possible seaplane link between Santa Cruz and Las Palmas, Gran Canaria.

So lets dig into those new plans for the proposed train link. I always thought it would hardly be worth it to shave a few minutes of the trip, but 40 minutes from Santa Cruz to Las Americas starts to sound like a good argument. The 80 km run has been costed at 1,800 million euros and would travel up to 220 kms per hour and includes 7 stops, Santa Cruz, Anaza, Candelaria, San Isidro, Reina Sofia airport, Los Cristianos and Las Americas, eventually it could be extended to Torviscas and even to Fonsalia on the west coast to link to a propsed new ferry port.

Ready for some more stats, the trains would run every 15 minutes, carry 350 to 400 passengers a train, go through 9 tunnels and for large parts of the journey, would run underground. All pretty ambitious, and even with a 2017 boarding date for the first trip, they would need to get cracking pretty soon, we can but hope.

How about a seaplane jaunt from Santa Cruz to Las Palmas? A Canadian company are keen to start trips as soon as next year, with only 20 passengers , it would be a more specialist form of transport, maybe for business people using the 2 capital cities. The plane used would be a DHC-6 Series 300 Twin Otter (pic above) and as well as fast tracking passengers, it could be used to fight forest fires, sloshing 1,000 litres on the flames in one swoop.

As always in Tenerife, it’s best not to count your chickens before they are roasted, but maybe unlike the inventions we were promised on  Tomorrows World, these transport dreams could come true, hold on tight.

“I’m a fire starter, twisted fire starter”, so said that great modern poet Keith Flint, maybe he was referring to the annual Noche de San Juan. Maybe i’m getting older and more cynical, but I thought last nights celebrations in Los Cristianos were quiet subdued by normal Canarian standards.Â

Basically San Juan is about renewal and cleansing and based around midsummer, lots of fire and water are involved, and of course lots of alcohol. I got to town at 9.30 to catch the old Canarian ladies gathered outside the local florists, armed with large spears of heather, a statue of Saint John was perched on a table, decorated with more flowers and smouldering with incense. Spot on the half hour, the ladies took up their leader and carried him shoulder high towards the beach.

I raced ahead and was a little taken aback to see that there were no bonfires underway on the main Las Vistas beach, and people were only just starting to drag old wooden pallets and boxes to start the biggest showpiece fire. Luckily I had arranged to meet Neal and Karen, a.k.a the Bournemouth section of the Armada Sur at Goodfellows bar on the front. As we sipped our Dorada and discussed the state of football in the world, we saw lots of young Canarian kids pass by with carrier bags clinking, heading for the beach, but there were few flames leaping into the night.

Just after midnight we hit the beach and weaved our way through large groups of drinking, clinking youngsters, there were a few very small bonfires, easy to jump over, as tradition demands, many more were dipping in the sea – another way of symbolically cleansing the soul. There seemd a shortage of family groups and candles, normally they dominate the celebrations, but not this year. It looked like the drinking was set to go on well into the early hours, but I headed for a couple of late beers on the way home to my waiting bed.