Did you ever try to make a kite from brown paper and sticks or try one of those brittle Texaco Flyers that petrol stations were knocking out? Things have soared to another level now and kiteboarding is a top sport combining kites and small surf boards that allow riders to defy gravity, just add wind for action.

Sadly on Tuesday morning the start of the PKRA Masters and Spanish Championship in El Medano was delayed to mid afternoon as the wind was wheezing like a long term smoker. I pitched up and the wind perked up, a familiar tale, it was still hardly wild but I got some pics and interviews for Tenerife Magazine. The numbers were down on those originally announced, for 150 try 20 riders, but it was good fun and I managed not to get tied up in the kite strings.

Roll on to Thursday and I was back for another look, this time the wind was growling, down at the beach it was like being sand blasted by Mother Nature. Nice to see some of the female riders, Spains Cristina Resinas and Angela Peral definately added some glamour to proceedings. The Reina beer promotion girls also put the wind in my sails and with a beer stall on hand it was a great way to spend an afternoon. At one point I adjourned to the nearby cafe El Mosquito for a cold drink and repite from the wind, there were beer crates stacked in the gents, sadly empties otherwise I might have settled in for a few hours. I splashed some water on my face as it was caked in sand and dust but I didn’t check the mirror, it was only later I realised I had only made slight inroads into natures face pack and now had a bizarre streaky look.

Back on the beach the riders were packing away for the day, it finishes on Saturday, there was much tugging on strings and fighting to save the advertsing hoardings as several keen riders popped a few more tricks out on the water. I sunk into a sweet creamy pancake at La Boheme and then hung around at the main beach for the Moda Al Aire fashion show, the catwalk had been set up on the edge of the busy beach and a crowd was gathering. Bang on time at 6pm the speakers burst into life with some snappy dance tunes as three young ladies took to the stage and gyrated their bodies. They only seemed to have 3 songs that kept repeating, one seemed to be called I Like Dance but the more I listened the more it became I Like Darts maybe its a new clubbing trend. A couple of local girls were up and boogieing in front of the stage and to everyones amusement they were joined by a local drunk nutter busting some moves. The unexpected dance star used the dad at a wedding technique and only just avoided falling over the sound system lead, full marks though for artistic interpretation.

After 40 minutes of the music and dance the 20 young local models were still waiting in the wings and I had to scoot to get the 483 quick Titsa back to Los Cristianos. The fashion shows are on for 3 evenings and should help to boost trade at the shops supplying the clothes. From the dancing and music that I witnessed I can definately say it’s much better than Punch and Judy.

It doesn’t make it any easier to take but it’s not just CD Tenerife that are drowning in a sea of debt, the financial crisis is putting the squeeze on sport on the seven islands and further afield in mainland Spain. Of course it doesn’t help if you have an incompetant President like Concepcion at CDT, I dread opening the papers each morning for fear of the latest self inlicted wound.

The last few weeks have been a real tirade of body blows to long suffering blanquiazul fans, we knew relegation to Segunda B would turn the screw on us but the club seem determined to make it as painful as possible. After a tearful farewell at the final home game Nino has signed for Osasuna in La Primera, one of several teams chasing him, but despite having three years on his contract no transfer fee has been mentioned. The 14 other players with time to run on their deals had to go to clear the sky high wage bill, some pay deals must have been made over a late night drinking session. Then the club sacked Arico born coach Amaral after just 10 games and with a years contract (80,000 euros) ahead of him, and it was revealed that the squad hadn’t been paid for the final few months of the season – oh shit.

Let me put this in some context, the LFP, players union announced that 300 players in the top two divisions of Spanish football had reported their clubs for outstanding wages. Further down the foundations were also rotting away, last week the league relegated 12 teams from Segunda B (Spains 3rd tier) to the Tercera due to outstanding debt, Palencia have since been reprieved but the other 11 have until noon on Monday 4 July to pay 400,000 to regain their Segunda B status. CD Tenerife could well be joining the big drop for their second relegation in a few months and third in two seasons, despite some deals being cut at least five players and coach Amaral want their full outstanding money now, some estimates put the immediate total at 4 million euros.

Looking at our neighbours, Fuerteventura went broke a couple of seasons ago, Lanzarote and Las Palmas B have turned down a chance to fill two of the Segunda B gaps as this late promotion comes with a 400,000 euros price tag. The senior Pios (Las Palmas) may have laughed at Tenerife’s drop but now they have lost their long term sponsor La Caja as the bank has been swallowed up by parent group Bankia, suddenly they are digging down the back of the sofa for money. The added problem with Canary Islands sports team is our location, playing in national Spanish leagues means expensive away games every two weeks.

Around 8 years ago the second biggest team in Tenerife was Tenerife Marichal, the ladies volleyball team, they dominated the Spanish league, always went to the finals of the Europen League, and played to regular crowds of 3,000 plus in Santa Cruz. Now unsponsored and just plain old CV Tenerife, they are about to fold due to lack of money and dwindling support. CV Tenerife Sur mens voleyball team in Los Cristianos have also suffered a similar fate. It’s gonna be a tough next few years, CD Tenerife will play to much smaller crowds in Segunda B or the Tercera next season, assuming we survive but the loyal hard core will stay, whether that will be enough for long term survival is another matter.

There I was getting my hopes up at the chance of watching the 1930 World Cup in Tenerife. Have I finally flipped, or is it the latest bizarre ruling from FIFA, well neither really, today was the first day of filming in La Laguna of Montevideo, a movie about the first ever World Cup that took place in the Uruguay capital all those years ago.

It’s a Serbian production based on the true story of the surprise packet of the tournament, Yugoslavia, they only went to make up the numbers but their mainly Serbian team finished third. This is the second movie now going into production, the first showed the players growing up and sharing their love of football in their home town of Belgrade. The new movie takes the story on to their World Cup exploits and will be followed by a TV series, apparently this has become a huge hit with the Serbian viewers.

La Laguna is doubling up as 1930’s Montevideo but I was hoping the action scenes would be filmed at CD Tenerife’s Heliodoro Stadium in Santa Cruz. Sadly it is not considered big enough to depict the games, the final when Uruguay beat Argentina 4-2 was watched by 93,000 fans. Seems a shame as the Heliodoro is quite an old stadium and with some technical wizardry I’m sure they could add on a few tiers to the stands. CD Tenerife even had a Serbian forward a few years ago, Vejiko Paunavic, but he is now playing in the United States.

It looked like the film team were digging in for a long shoot up by Calle San Agustin, actors were getting into 1930’s clothes in the caravans provided, a large catering unit was in place to feed the crew and stars, and a large dining area had been set up in the shade. The security guard hovering around wasn’t too keen on my camera but it is in a very public area so ya boo to him. So much for my trip back in time to a golden age of football, I will just have to re-create the 1930 games with my Subbuteo players.

There will be parties in the streets of St Asaph in North Wales tonight after Becky Brewerton won the Tenerife Ladies Match Play at Golf Las Americas. It was a nail biting finish for Becky, three times a runner up in Tenerife, she couldn’t watch her chasing rivals Nikki Garrett of Australia and Carlota Ciganda of Spain at the final hole but they both fell just short to share second place.

It was another scorcher for the final, I had done extensive research, well if you count looking up the calendar shots that Danielle Montgomery (below) posed for a while ago. There wasn’t an official category in the competition but I reckon the winner of the Pro Am on Thursday definitely had the finest legs in the tournament. On my arrival I was glad to see more spectators than on my Friday visit, after all it was a top European ranked sports event and FREE to watch.

The previous two days match play had cut the field down to the last eight players for a traditional round of stroke play and I joined the leading pair at the 10^th hole. Danielle was indeed looking delightful but this was serious stuff as they chased the 40,000 euro prize. Wales had a double chance with Lydia Hall in the running and American born Australian Frances Bondad (below) was a surprise packet as she made her presence felt.

As the spectators swarmed after the players and the watching television cameras presented a living holiday brochure to the world and the ducks and swans were preening themselves hoping for a part in David Attenborough’s next series. Jumping the brook a few times without making a wet fool of myself I managed to get up to the head of the parade as Becky and Frances reached the 18^th green and the Welsh wizard finished on 68 shots, four below par. Now it was a waiting game to see how close the other players could get.

We didn’t have long to wait, Nikki Garrett (above purple) and Carlota Ciganda (above pink) , in her first professional event, were snapping at Beckys score as they arrived at the final hole. Tension was high as Carlotas second shot plopped in the water and Nikki just missed a 15 foot putt, both were killer blows. The smile on Beckys face said it all, there was a long hot wait for the officials to set up the presentation area but everyone got their deserved thanks for a well run event. Becky received her bottle of champagne and made a bee line for Shane her Irish caddie to give him a good soaking. Roll on next year.

I’m surprised I’m allowed on a golf course after the amount of balls I redistributed from the course in Oxford not far from my home. It was a sort of service that a few of us young lads carried out, wading through the brook in wellies and pearl diving for barely damaged chunky white golf balls before selling them on to keen local players. Obviously it’s not rated as a deadly sin and I’m not on a computer bad boy list, just as well as my work takes me to many of the splendid golf courses around Tenerife.

Today was the opening day of the Tenerife Ladies Match Play at Golf Las Americas so I popped in as Tenerife Magazine are an official media partner for this years event. It was nice to walk down the Calle Llanos de Troya at the side of the ground without being accosted by young professional ladies, when we get dropped of their from football trips late evening they are always plying their trade. I don’t mind the accosting so much but wish they would stop saying Hello Mr Colin, the usual sir? Anyway walking under the television crane on the entry to the club house reminded me of the huge international media interest in this European Tour Event. After saying my hellos I set off around the course to see which players I could catch up with.

As luck would have it at the 11^th hole I found Felicity Johnson (top pic) squaring off against Krystle Caithness of Scotland. I followed (not in a stalking way) Felicity on the final day at Golf Costa Adeje 2 years ago when she won the Tenerife Ladies Open, as it was then called. The Aston Villa fanatic was in good form and eventually knocked her opponent out of this years competition to progress to the final 16.

Lingering at the hole I wondered what sort of vandal would drag a throbbing red Stingray SX speedboat onto the course and dump it by the green. Then I realised it was the prize for getting a hole in one at that particular hole, pretty nifty eh. Last years winner Trish Johnson (above purple and pensive) soon followed down to the green with her opposite number Stacey Keating (below)from Australia. Bristol girl Trish was having a bad day at the office on her way to being eliminated.

The ladies had started at 8.30 am and were whizzing through the action, I wandered off and managed to see Stacey Lee Bregman from South Africa as she disposed of Jenni Kuosa of Finland. The intense heat remained as the cloud rolled in to cover the sun and with the buggys bouncing their way back to the clubhouse I took a long leisurely stroll to explore the lakes and rivers that make this such a lovely course. The swans and ducks seemed unbothered by all the flurry of attention, there weren’t many spectators on course but hopefully it will pick up on Saturday and Sunday as people log off from work. Hopefully I will be able to bag a few pics of the winning player on Sunday.

It took me right back to 2002 and the Tenerife coach strike, Reina Sofia south airport was spilling out passengers into the car parks and waiting areas, some were kipping on benches and others just looked bored. No great problem for me as I was on the TITSA bus on the way up to Santa Cruz but with a trip back to blighty in a few days it was another potential spoiler to go with the snow and ice in the UK. Christmas was calling me, well a chance to check out the capital city and nearby La Laguna for Tenerife Magazine, it was dull outside but still in the 20’s and the new bus lane whisked me into the bus station in extra quick time.

Everything is late here so I wasn’t surprised to see the temporary festive ice rink in Plaza de España was nowhere near ready, it’s fairly small but still looks bigger than rinks like Gosport and Irvine where I watched Oxford City Stars play Ice Hockey. There was still plenty for me to check out such as the nativity scenes but up in La Laguna I had 2 big setbacks, first my camera deleted nearly all my pics, oh well I had time to backtrack and make my calls over again but more seriously I got a call saying that CD Tenerife’s Sunday home game was off as Granada couldn’t guarantee flights over. Not a happy bunny but ressiting the urge to down a few Dorada’s I continued with my task and headed back to Santa Cruz. With a bit of time to kill I headed for the port, always worth a look, there were 4 huge cruise liners in on the far side but more interestingly there were 4 tall masted ships closer to my perch on the roof of the ferry building.

Down on the quayside the gates were only partially shut so I wandered down the side of the visitors and grabbed a few photos. the Alexander von Humbolt is a name I have heard before, the 3 masted 1906 barque is a training ship where 25 trainies learn from experienced hands on long cruises. Next along was something very different and ultra modern, Icon Amsterdam looks like a rich mans toy but I can’t find anything on it via the internet, there was noone visible on board, maybe they were counting their money below deck.

I nearly saluted when I saw the next ship, Bessie Ellen from Plymouth (green army) only 2 masts rather than the others 3 but it looked nice and homely, there was even a mug of tea desrted on the desk in the cabin. It’s a 106 year old gaff rigged sailing ketch that has been operating out of Denmark doing charter trips. I was pleased to learn that Bessie is heading home to Plymouth and a new home. The passengers on the multi million luxury cruise ships across the water must have wondered what was going on with this little flotilla of ships, they were certainly getting plenty of admiring glances.

Moving down the quayside I found the saucy young lady at the top of this page, she was the masthead for the Stad Amsterdam, a 60 metre clipper, it has 14 luxury cabins and a large open air bar on deck. There was quite a party going on at the bar and they were all decked out in their ships sweatshirts but I was spellbound by the saucy lady up front, i wonder who the model was? Last in the line was the Eye Of the Wind a brigantine built in Germany in 1911, looking through some on line articles I found that it has been a frequent visitor to Tenerife. I managed to grab a few words with some Dutch crew and they told me that none of the ships had travelled together and were entirely seperate, just a lucky coincidence that they came together in Santa Cruz. It certainly added a nice bonus to my day, I wish them all calm seas and full sails.

Coach Arconada’s short reign as coach of CD Tenerife ended with a dismal 2-0 home defeat to Celta Vigo. The cries of Fuera (out) and Oltra, Oltra, Oltra, surprisingly released at the end of last season, made it clear that he had lost not only the dressing room but also the terraces. The club now have to work out how to pay him off and find a replacement.
The players have to take their share of blame, they again showed little purpose or heart as Celta romped to an easy victory. Nino and Bertran were passed fit but centre back Prieto was again missing injured, Natalio started, playing just behind Nino but Tenerife struggled to create any chances up front. Celta couldn’t believe their luck when Sicilia and Melli made a hash of clearing an attack after 12 minutes,and Sicilia was called for a foul in the box. Trashorras, a former Pio, stepped up and stroked the penalty home. The 14,370 crowd was getting restless and there was worse to come, De Lucas crossed the ball into the area and Catala had plenty of time to stoop and head the ball low past Sergio Aragoneses.

Into the second half and there was still no pattern to Tenerife’s play, too often they gave the ball away and Nino was again foraging for himself up front. Substitute Kome (above) had a great opportunity to pull one back with a 67th minute penalty after Lago had handled but his spot kick flicked off the crossbar and over. The calls for Arconada’s head grew louder and many streamed out early, Natalio had a chance at the end but fired too high and the feeling of despair could be felt all around the ground.

This week could be quite an eventful one at the club as they work out how to pay off Arconada and who can take over to get the season back on track.

Most people would arrive at a major media event via the front entrance, I made my bow at the Tenerife Ladies Open golf at Buenavista, by clambering over a wall. It wasn’t some sort of statement of sporting anarchy just some locals having a chuckle as they gave me dodgy directions to the course. I got the early TITSA bus up to Icod de los Vinos and then the 30 minute link bus to Buenavista along the glorious low road route through Garachico. A hot sunny day was brewing and the frothy sea was a bathers delight at the large piscina and the numerous rock pools.

Arriving at Buenavista, my first visit, the Teno mountain range was as majestic as promised and I walked through the town soon realising the course was some way away. That’s when I sought  guidance from some old chaps chewing the fat in the plaza, they kept staight faces as they directed me down a small road that soon became a dirt track and then skirted around the cliffs. I could see the course but it still needed an uphill route march to get to the coastal path that runs beside the 17th hole, at that point I scrambled over and tried to look dignified.

The course is a real selling point for Tenerife, stunningly beautiful and spread outbelow the clear sky and clear deep rich blue ocean that laps at the lower edge. some 120 countries are expected to take at least highlights of the four days of action, what a wonderful living brochure they will see. The ladies had started out early so I set about stalking a few of the groups, the ladies game has the advantage of being a great shopwindow for clothes brands and they all looked cool and stylish as they toiled in the hot sun. I checked in at the clubhouse press centre and found it to be surprisingly quiet but it will build as the tournament does the same.

After the first days play the good news is we have a sporting English star in the lead, defending the honour of Derbyshire Melissa is one of  the favourites for the title, time will tell,

• 1st Melissa Reid (England)                            6 under par   66 shots
• 2nd Ursula Wikstrom (Finland)                   6 under par    66 shots
• 3rd Virgine Lagoutte-Clement (France)  6 under par    66 shots

Take a good look at this pic, he’s not a lovable furry bear (you should see what he does in the woods)Â just a constant reminder of bad fashion (I should talk) favoured by some golfers. My only real golfing experience was “finding ” lost golf balls at the course near my parents and selling them back to golfers. Here in Tenerife it is difficult to ignore golf as the island has a wealth of courses and I have visited many for work purposes. With my untrained non golfing mind I always find myself admiring the sheer beauty and fantastic views.

So I’m very happy to nudge your arm violently and shout in your ear about the latest competition from www.tenerifemagazine.com You can win three rounds of golf at any seperate three of these courses

• Buenavista Golf
• Golf Del Sur
• Golf Las Americas
• Golf Costa Adeje
• Tecina Golf in La Gomera

All you have to do is be a Facebook fan of Tenerife Magazine when the draw is made on 2nd June. The prize is subject to availability, and if not claimed within 2 weeks, it will be re-drawn.

The Asociacion de Campos de Golf Tenerife have put up the prize and they are also offering everyone a Summer Golf Package that will save enough money to splash out at the 19th hole. Until 30th September you can choose three seperate rounds from the same courses above for just 135 euros – and that’s not all.

EXTRA BONUS

When you buy the package, you can have a reduced price round at Abama Golf, just 150 euros rather than the usual 200 euros, and/or Golf Los Palos, the nine hole course near Las Galletas will give you the special price of 15 euros for a round. To book contact http://en.tenerifeisladegolf.com/holidays/summer-golf-packages.htm

Well that sounds pretty impressive to me. I’m already looking forward to the Tenerife Ladies Open at Buenavista Golf from 1st to 4th July, I followed the event at Golf Costa Adeje last year and spotted lots of talent.

Think of cricket and you think of the glitz and glamour of the Indian Premier League and Calypso Cricket in the Caribbean-you dont think of Oxford on a cold Easter Monday. But that was where I ended up this morning, at The Parks, the home of Oxford University cricket.

I had just read in the paper about the death of Sir Alec Bedser a great player from another era, so when I saw that Northants were playing in Oxford I had to have a quick wander down there. The University parks were given to the city years ago so they cant charge to watch games, all the counties visit during the season and every other year the touring side pop in for a 3 day game. It was always a case of booking 3 days off work and heading to The Parks with a coolbag stuffed with beer, I saw Australia and the West Indies strutting their stuff, always great fun. Today was very different, no big crowds and so cold you could grate cheese on my scrotum.

There was no beer tent today just a few hardy souls huddling together around the boundary. Oxford were batting and Northants played with 2 slips-a bra and a pair of panties – old cricket joke number 397 there. I just stayed long enough to take a few snaps, then I retired to the pavillion, or pub as i prefer to call it.

The ground is in the post part of North Oxford, where they have fruit on the sideboard even if nobody is ill. On my way out of town I spotted 2 magpies (2 for joy) on a wall, I tried to get a better vantage point as they moved and I went in through an open gate. It was only at this point that I realised I was in a posh school for elegant young ladies – and that is the case for the defence your honour.

Nearly time to return to Tenerife, cant wait to get some warm sun and taste the Dorada again.